Been in your shoes


(Rachelle) #1

Continuing the discussion from Wondering if it's worth it anymore:

Well I’m with a lot of you on here… my daughter was diagnosed on Valentine day this year T1D. She is 15 soon to be 16. Having a real tuff time. She has some really good days. But gets very depressed and just hides in her room. She got a job but being her age she can’t work a whole lot… it will be nice when school starts… because she is in Marching Band. And jazz. I just wish I new bu ow to help her over come the feeling that she is worthless. She has a boyfriend and he is ok with her having T1D. But she thinks he doesn’t care about her… I. Just wish I new what to do… I’m always there for her. I talk to her as much as she will let me… just wish I could get her to be more motivated and happy with life.


(joe) #2

@rrgroceman Rachelle,

The first year tends to be difficult for caregivers because of all the new stuff - technology, eating insulin testing activity and the new language you have to learn. Also for parents, getting used to the idea that your baby has a life-long disease of which you can do nothing about can be devastating if not exhausting…

for your daughter, just try to remember what you thought about what threatened your life when you were 15! I can tell you for certain that I was a genius immortal, and when they told me I was sick and no once could help me, it was the beginning of a 15+year untreated depression. It started with denial, and then a over a decade of anger. This is a personal journey, and no matter how hard you try you can’t make these feelings go away, just because you want them to.

If I needed to hear something when I was diagnosed it was this: it’s not your fault. you didn’t do, eat or say anything, or harm anyone, and diabetes is not a punishment. Life is not fair and being good doesn’t mean very tough things won’t happen to you. If you need to be angry then be angry, but understand that after the anger slows down… there you are just as you were a minute ago…except… now you are more tired.

If your daughter can benefit from a therapist then please seek one out. The psychological part of this disease is very much as hard as the physical part, sometimes even more so.

If she’ willing to look she can come here to talk, yell, or whatever she needs to do with a group of people who have all been there, and I can tell you first-hand, eventually diabetes becomes a background issue where it belongs.

good luck


(Rachelle) #3

Thank you so much… I know she got on with a Snapchat group… I think it is going well. Her boyfriend is some help… she just seams to think he could do better…

I have a cousin that has Dieabetis… And he told her if ahe ever needed to talk he would always be there for her…

The stress for me is just trying to afford it… but you here that a lot.

Anyway thank you

Rachelle Groceman


(Daniel Kling) #4

I was 16 when I was diagnosed and it can be rough but you just have to remind her that she can do anything anyone else can and not to be afraid to talk to anybody and always show your support! I took it very well because I knew that the more I take care of myself the better I will feel and the better I will be in the long run! I am only 20 now and it can be hard at times and I have my days like everyone does even if they are not diabetic. Just overall want to make sure she knows that there are people just like her that are out there! I would suggest maybe trying to find a local JDRF chapter and get more involved it will help her situation!


(James) #5

hello, my name is jamie, and i have been a t1d since age two (i am currently in my 40’s). i know the teen years are different for boys but what i can tell you is that as frustrating as it sounds just be there for her and most importantly listen. my parents both went through the ups and downs with me my teen years and what i remember most are the days/nights i cried with either/both parents about how life sucked, but all they did was sit with me and let me vent. it was REALLY HARD for my mom, but she also waited and then offered up the encouragement after i vented when i was way more open to it. hang in there, be there, i promise it does get better.


(tubamann2) #6

I too was diagnosed when I was 15. I am now 75 and without complications. I am now with my third doctor. My first doctor established in me a positive feeling that I could handle this new situation. I saw him until 1979 when I moved to another state. My second doctor was also a type I diabetic. From him I learned practical experience. Our discussions centered around the fact that he did not receive the positive fundamentals that I did. My third doctor is a bright young lady with all of the new knowledge of technology. She is very helpful with my pump and CGM. The most important thing I have in common with your daughter is that I was also in the band. I already had the knowledge that persistence paid off. I have taught band and orchestra. I have played professionally in bands, orchestras, and dance bands. Encourage her to stay with her music if it is something she enjoys. When we are playing music we do not worry about other things. There is a good balance here.


(Rachelle) #7

I’m there for you all the time. She not just my daughter. She is my friend. Late last night she sent me a text to come to her room. I walked in and she was crying. Her boyfriend had broke up with her. He said she is flipping out to much… she said she new it but really wanted to stop. But she has a very low self-esteem.

So is so beautiful and had a huge heart.

I know she is going through a lot. It kills me to see her go through all of this… I just don’t know how to make her feel better about herself.

I tell her she is beautiful. And smart.anf very talented. I’m just not sure where I’m going wrong.

Rachelle


(Leah T1D since 2001) #8

Hi hi! I am probably one of the most negative people on here, haha, but that’s because I still feel I’m getting the shaft from life. Just found out last week that it’s not just type 1 diabetes, I have Hashimoto’s also, and today I’m getting tested for lupus amongst other wonderful autoimmune disorders.
ANYWAYS, your daughter may not be aware of what a strong person she is. And my own mother had to remind me that life is actually tough, but you have to be tougher. There’s a joke in my husband’s family that when something in life seems to be dragging you down, you say, “oh, come on! I thought you were tougher than that!” It may not be the best view, but I m doing my best to power through the BS by getting angry. No, it isn’t fair, but who said life is fair? So, if she has had ANY moment in her life where she was faced with a tough bit of life (hitting puberty, for instance, was NOT easy for me), use that as a model for her to push through it. That being said, I’ve sobbed every day for the past week and a half about having to change where I wanted my life to go. I wanted a family, a house, maybe to travel… now I have to pay for medical expenses and specialists instead of a house or traveling, and to surrender to not having a family because my genetics suck and it could endanger my own life as well as my would be baby’s.
I have spent a lot of time worrying about what might happen instead of accomplishing my goals. If any of her goals are going to be reached, she needs to take the reigns and get there herself… no one will fault you for always being supportive and reinforcing the “your made of sterner stuff” attitude. I believe she can wrangle this demon of hers. It’s tough. But, not impossible. You are doing a lot for her, and as most will say, lol, stay positive!!


(James) #9

sorry for the kate response, but you arent doing anything wrong, its just tough going through the literal highs and lows of diabetes, add to that the hormones, add to that the pressure teenagers are already under, and its just hard!

you are doing all the right things, and though it seems like forever, the right set of friends will come along and be able to support and be there for her. taking her to jdrf events and meeting others going through the same thing really helped me. i was lucky enough to go to diabetic camp where i met some life long friends i still lean on today over 30 years later.

hang in there, it does get better! i know youre sick of hearing that, but its true.

sincerely,

jamie


(Chelsea) #10

I understand how your daughter feels because I hid my diabetes from my fiancé for months when we first started dating. When he realized I had diabetes he began doing research to better understand the disease and how to help me. T1D does not make her worthless, but empowered because she is stronger and so much more. She has to realize this for herself and I’m here to support you and her in any way I can. It’s hard I know but I promise it does get easier. I’ll be praying for her!