Can't help feeling like it was my fault


(Anamarys) #1

Last night was a long and scary night and wanted to share it with you guys. Yesterday my sister and her hubby decided to go to a family party at a hall. I stayed at home babysitting my nephew which was ok with me. I love spending time with my nephew. Sometime around I think 12am my sister call me asking if her son was ok. We ended up having a long conversation about how bad she felt to see me go through so much. She expressed how scared she was and how she had no idea how bad Diabetes was. She made me cry, well we both cried. She kept saying...I will learn everything I have to to save you....I want to be there for you every step of the way. To hear her telling me all this made me so happy. So we ended our call with an I love you. Im on the computer looking at blogs when I realize how late it was, it was 3am. I get a phone call that my sister had passed out. She was vomiting, screaming, and what scared me the most is she didn't reconized any of us. My sister means the world to me and I almost lost her once and last night gave me flash backs. At the hospital after so much struggle with her and long hours she is back at home not feeling to well but safe. For some reason I can't help thinking this was my fault. She kept drinking and drinking and her subject to everyone at the party was why did Ana get Diabetes...I don't want her to die. I feel so bad about the whole thing and worried this may happen again. I just hope she realizes that I need her in my life healthy, happy, and okay for both her son and I.


(DiabeticDancer) #2

Wow. That's a scary thing that you went through! I'm sorry that happened to you and your family! The way I look at it is everything happens for a reason. There is a difference between you feeling sad and guilty and it being your fault. Getting diabetes is no ones fault, so why would it be your fault about what happened to your sister? I've never gone through something like this so I'm not sure exactly how your feeling, but you, your sister, and your family is in my prayers. I hope everything gets better!


(Anamarys) #3

Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers. I'm just glad she is feeling better and at home with us. I want to sit down and talk to her about what happen. I just didn't know she was stressing that much over me having Diabetes. I'm sure we'll get through this.


(BrianPQuinn) #4

Ana,

What happened with your sister is not your fault. I am sure she is ok and will be ok, however I am sure that she may have had her own guilt she was dealing with. It comes down to the why me or in this case why not me complex? You are so lucky to have a sister who cares so much for you and supports you in all you do. What happened with your sister was a chance happening and I am sure she may have just needed to get something out of her system. Was this a scary experience for all of you yes? But one can hope she just needed to get something out of her system. As you continue to get used to your diagnosis and her as well you will be able to have such an open bond and have someone to talk to and support you which is an amazing thing. What happened with your sister was just a small blip in the course of life. I am glad she is recovering and you can be there with her, just as she will be there for you.


(Anamarys) #5

Brian you are so right. I agree and feel that's what happen. It was really scary but talking to her now and knowing that she feels bad to have scared us like that. I feel relief and I'm willing to help her as she will help me. I love her so much and I'm glad to have her in my life.


(DDrumminMan) #6

I agree with Brian.  It's totally not your fault.  Not sure how much experience you've had with people who have drank to excess, but it is VERY common for them to obsess and fixate on something while in that condition.  Crying is also commin.  Probably because of the phone call and the timing, she fixated on you.  I'm sure she is a good person and all, but this is what can happen when people drink way more than they should.  I'm glad she is doing much better now though.  I wish you both the best.


(BrianPQuinn) #7

If nothing else for your sister this was a bit of a wake up call. We all run into those wake up calls. I am sure your sister learned something and so did you. However, there is no guilt to be tied  to anything. Guilt is evil, we all feel it and it affects us. However, these things happen and we need to move on.