Diabetes is winning

(ronnie) #1

I’m currently 27 I was diagnosed when I was 23. It completely changed the landscape of my life. I was finishing up my final year of my original contract with the Army Reserves and going to reenlist and go to college. I got accepted into the civil engineering program at my state university. The day I was suppose to enroll in classes I was in the hospital finding out I was diabetic. So I wouldn’t be able to reenlist now as a t1d. With out the army to pay for school I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Now I work in construction which I don’t mind but its a constant struggle keeping infusion sets on, going low, and just general management with long hours. I thought about switching jobs but losing my employer insurance seems too risky. I have really struggled the last 2 years staying motivated to deal with it all. I have been admitted twice in 6 months for dka. One of the times I had to leave a wedding I was in 40 min before the ceremony. I guess I am still angry four years later. I feel like t1d has taking something from me. Like it controls my life, it literally effects everything I do. I always have to prioritize it over all else. I guess I just don’t feel totally free anymore and It makes me angry very angry. I am tired of it all and its only been four years. And when I think about it being forever its just overwhelming. I am a warrior so ill always fight but the last two years I have been losing. I guess I am reaching out to see if anyone else has felt this way and if you started winning what helped? Also I have a close cousin, she is the only other type 1 I know. She was diagnosed at a young age and is in her mid 30 now. So I feel like her experience is very different then mine so I cant bring myself to reach out to her. I feel weird because she has lived with it so much longer than me so im worried that it will just come across as a pitty party. I am in the stage where I tell everyone im ok but im not just looking for some advice.

0 Likes

(Jess) #2

Hi Ronnie,

I have only had diabetes for about a year, but, I am 50 years old, so hopefully I have a little wisdom I can pass along. My opinion is this: Stop fighting. Any disease you get, and any of the crap that happens to us over the course of our lives, is not to be fought, but to be accepted and learned from. Life only throws at you what you can handle, and it is supposed to teach you something about yourself. I am quite sure that right now that sounds like a load of #@$%. But just consider it, please. I am guessing we may be similar in some ways because until recently I was all about fighting, pushing through, challenging myself, etc. I used to run ultra-marathons and just push myself in everything I did. I still struggle with listening to my body at times, but it seems like this disease has been a huge wake up call. It’s true that it sucks. There’s no way around that. At least for me (and hopefully not forever), it is all consuming. But, I feel like it is teaching me how to be a better person, how to be kinder to myself, etc… I am wondering if there is a job you can do in the army other than what you were doing (if that is what you want). My brother in law was in the air force with Type 1 diabetes, and he working in munitions (not on the “front lines”). Anyway, you are not alone in this, and I know others will reach out to you as well. Hang in there.

Jess

0 Likes

(joe) #3

@ronnieg hi ronnie, I hated and avoided and looked back and wished it was different after my diagnosis too. I hear what you are saying about always wanting to fight but let’s think about this for a minute. If you’re fighting having diabetes you are involved with a war with only yourself, a war that cannot be won.

If instead you believe that these obstacles and challenges have something worthwhile to teach us, that the good comes from learning and being wiser and in empathy and turning crap into something that can help someone…then it’s war, in my opinion, that can change you as a person into something better.

Anyway for what it’s worth, I kept up”that other war” until it almost killed me. Then when I could hold on no longer, I let it go.

Hope you are ok today

0 Likes

(Mike) #4

Hi Ronnie
I was diagnosed as a t1d in 1976 at 21 years old. Life has had its ups and downs. None of my friends or other immediate family members have this disease. Back then no support groups. I talked to everyone about the disease. Got married in 1979 to my beautiful wife still married to her today, she stuck with me through the ups and downs. Ended up in a comma in 1993 because of a 1600 bs came out of that on our wedding anniversary. Almost lost my job in 1995 because of a low bs. Work tried to discharge me but I threatened to sue under the ADA they sent me to an Endocrinologist who put me on a mini med 527 pump and would not support my employer retired from that job in 2006. Still on a pump today. Now working as a Union Business Agent. Lot of personal stuff just to let you know if you keep working at it you will get through it especially if you have someone’s support at home like I have.

0 Likes

(Brian) #5

@ronnieg I know there are a bunch of people who feel the exact same way as you. I was one of them a few years ago. I was hospitalized a few times for both high and low blood sugars. I went many years without regularly seeing my doctor out of fear because my A1C would often be 10+. I am happy to say that my last A1C was 6.3 and I felt like I was officially winning. The changes were mental first and that helped my body physically. I would also say that a CGM changed my life. Don’t diabetes beat you up mentally and I think you will find the physical battle becomes easier.

0 Likes