[quote user="leticiab"]I tried really hard to be involved, went to his apts with endo., attended the nutrition classes with him and learned to give him his shots but at the end of the day, he does what he wants, when he wants. I have felt pushed away[/quote]
I can think of an ex-SO who would have said something similar. Leticab: please don't give up on trying to be involved, sometimes the only opportunity to express your general anger at having the disease arrises when someone you care about it, out of love, tries to remind you that you have it - at a moment when you're busy trying to forget. But then those moments pass. I've snapped at a few SO's when they did something like that, only to regret it later when I was feeling really alone and isolated with the disease.
I've had different SO's deal with my diabetes in different ways. I think that the hands-off approach is partly because SO's already feel so bad for you for having diabetes, and so when you bite their heads off about it then they really feel terrible.
On the one hand, there are incentives to keep it private. Knowledge is power, so a lot depends on how much power you're ready to give up in exchange for that support (which is probably more about the length & general health of the relationship). Example - after I confided in my ex that high blood sugar makes me irritable, he would ask me to test, and then inquire about my PMS status, before I could proceed with any bone I had to pick with him.
I had another ex who would do things like prep my pump reservoir & infusion set for me, or get my meter out and get it all ready to go with a strip - things like that made having diabetes a little easier, and just so sweet it was hard to say no to, and I think it made my SO feel like a proud, competent, little caretaker. It was cute. It wasn't like a nagging request for me to put in the work, or some kind of underhanded assertion that my status as a diabetic makes my opinions less valid.
Oh A-D: I saw something on DiabetesHealth TV about how diabetic men tend to ask for, and receive, less support & involvement from SO's than diabetic women do. Not that that's a good thing.