Effect On Relationships

(DunnwithT1) #1

Hello my dudes. Im 19 and have never really had a serious relationship with a girl, but could potentially be in one soon. So I was just wondering how does being diabetic effect the day to day things in a relationship? Does it add extra strain or challenges to dating?

(joe) #2


okay so congratulations - I am guessing there’s somebody new in your life?

t1 adds the regular amount of extra to a job, a relationship, school, getting sick, travel, and I guess everything else.

so I am a rank amateur at relationships but i can tell you that open honest communications have always worked better for me. If you are doing what you do, and saying what you say, and another person doesn’t like it… in my opinion… it’s better than engineering something to say or acting differently than how you would act in order for a person to like you.

if you are honest about yourself then 2 things can happen, they hate you and go away, or like you and hang around. the same thing works in reverse, and so if she is open and honest with you and you STILL like her, she’s a keeper.

so about having diabetes, i guess it matters more about how you feel about it, do you hide it? are you open about it? are you embarrassed by it? I was embarrassed for a long time. it lead to me being less than honest, and then things generally didn’t work out. I am also a huge caretaker and problem solver, but that is a story for another day.

low blood sugar can make me cranky, so I watch my tongue when I know I am low. lows also gives me huge adrenalin rushes, making “intimate time” difficult, but it’s nothing 15 minutes and juice can’t fix.

this would work better if you spilled: what are you most worried about?

(DunnwithT1) #3

First to answer your question for how I feel about my diabetes. I’ve always been embarrassed by it; not embarrassed that I have it. I have no issues telling people I’m type 1 diabetic. Im embarrassed by taking care of it in public. I hate having people watch me check my sugar do take my insulin. Especially with the lack of knowledge people have about diabetes. If I don’t specify type 1 people get confused how a young, healthy looking, teen can be diabetic, and even then most people who confront me don’t know the difference between the T1 and T2 so I have to teach almost everyone who asks and it gets annoying. Especially since I’m not a big people person. So I try to hide it as much as possible even to the point of skipping sugar checks just so I don’t have to deal with people’s questions.

Mostly I’m worried that after I find the girl for me, that the mistakes I’ve made with my lack of care for my diabetes already will cause future health issue that create too much strain on the relationship. I’ve been in DKA a few times and I’ve seen what it does to my parents. Nobody should have to be put through that stress and fear of potentially losing their loved one to an illness. Especially if the problems could have been prevented by taking better care of myself during my teen years. I’ve been avoiding serious relationships mostly because I’m scared of the pain it could cause them. I don’t want to live a bachelor’s life but sometimes I think it would be better because that way it’s one less person to mourn for me if I have an untimely end.

Also if I get married that most likely will mean children, (Although currently I’d be fine with never having kids that could change) and since T1 is in my genes I don’t want to risk having to put another person, especially my child, through living the life I’ve been forced to live as a diabetic.

(joe) #4

@dunnwitht1 - thanks for replying.

I don’t take care of diabetes (bs checks and when I was on MDI - shots) in front of other people either. There are always nooks and more private areas that helped me deal with it in a “not-as-public” space. It is amazing what people say when THEY are uncomfortable. I was at a training conference recently and the guy across from me pulled out a syringe and vial kit, and without hesitation he did a quick bolus in the middle of the room. I admired his “don’t give a rat’s $$$” attitude but I still prefer privacy. I think when you get a little older people will be less inclined to run up to you and tell you about their type 2 grandma.

Today I can check my BS in the open but sometimes prefer checking it in a bathroom or inside my backpack. Being on a pump means I can bolus in my pocket or at least discretely. Even getting a pump meant dealing with the feelings of being chained to a machine, but I was chained to lantus and shots so for me what the heck is the difference.

this may be forward but I think you are forgetting the other part of the equation. you can only be 50% of any relationship. the other person is an individual and may not feel the same exact way you feel about yourself, or about themselves. If they are normal healthy people they will be individual enough to make up their own minds about risk, happiness, investment, commitment, equitable teamwork, and a ton of other dimensions you may not be familiar with. a good relationship is a combination of teamwork (where 2 people are greater than their sum) and where each person finds value in the other’s company. you are together because you want to be.

as far as not wanting to be in a relationship because you feel you will break someone’s heart if your diabetes gets you - let me just say that no one gets out of this alive. there are plenty of 100% genetically perfect healthy people that get run over by a dumptruck when they least expect it. one thing I can assure you of - life is not gong to be what you think it is going to be, there are many surprises and blind curves.

as a dad your chances of passing diabetes to a son or daughter is about 100:1

again - I am not expert. I was very messed up from diabetes as well as other emotional issues and I met a girl when I least expected it and got married. She was deeply troubled and it was a disaster, nightmare,roller-coaster. When I couldn’t take it anymore I left, financially bankrupt and in anguish. took the next 5 years working on myself and then when I least expected it, met someone else. worked the honesty thing: honesty to myself first, everyone else second. married 3 years later and now I have a son. was this part of a plan? heck no. did I like every moment? heck no. did I end up in a good place and was it all worth it? you bet.