Falling behind


(onepunkydiabetic) #1

yeah so im falling behind again....

i just need to talk to some one who also has this problm i guess!

 i need to be re taught all over again!

 but im skipping shots because i dont want  to gain anmore weight and 

i think im depressed cause really i just dont care anymore 

i know im feeling like crap all tired ,,thirsty ,,and peeing like crazy in all but i 

really just dont care anymore!

 its like cancer no cure just something to prolong my life oh yay!

 maybe i should just let my self die its not like they will ever find a ure!

 


(MaDEvans) #2

I'm feeling down tonight too Melody.  Talk to anyone around you and tell them how you're feeling.  That always helps me.  Be honest and sincere.

I'm sure there's another female on here that would talk to you about skipping shots.  You already know how bad it is for you, but I'm sure talking with someone nice who has been through the same thing would help.

Feel better!  :)

 

Matt


(MaDEvans) #3

"its like cancer no cure just something to prolong my life"

 

Well here is a statistic for you, Melody.  10 out of 10 people will eventually die!  Everybody is going to die.  No need worrying about death.  Just focus on being happy living healthy.

:)


(joe) #4

Melody,  I can't tell you it's all going to be all right.  I can't even tell you it gets easier.  I admit I have felt the same way as you, many times in the last 31 years with this disease.

if you read these messages and take a look around, you will read about stories that are great, and stories that are terrible, you will read about happiness and loss,  and you will read about life.   We walk this road too.  We are scared too, we suffer depression too.  Thats why we write here, because the people here already know our pain, and we don't have to explain it.

I am no genious - I am not better than you.  I just chose to do the best job I can, and I am not perfect at all.  Some days are out of control, some days are okay, but in the time that passed since I was in the hospital - I finished college, I got a great job, I got married, I got fired, I went broke,  I sold my house, I got divorced, I quit smoking, I had apartments, I bought new cars, I crashed cars, my friends have died of cancer, some died in car accidents, I found new hope, I found new love, I got married AGAIN, I bought another house..... and my story isn't over.

I can imagine what I would have missed, if I died when I wanted to in 1977.   that's before iphone, hell it's before the internet.   =)  there is more to your lifes story than this, more than you could imagine.    we are here if you want to talk.


(amyl1027) #5

     Melody,

     You may feel bad right now, but I don't think that you really want to cause permanent damage to yourself by not caring for your diabetes.  I know that it's frustrating for me that I can't really lose weight like the "normal" people.  But that doesn't stop me from trying, and one of these days I will have it figured out.  It just may take a bit more work trying to figure out the calculations for the answer to this particular formula.  All of us here wanna help in any way we can.  We all have down days;  I know I have more than my share.  But not taking care of yourself in the ways you know how will only make you feel worse in the long run.  Don't give up; just try to look at the situation from a different point of view.


(Gina) #6

Melody,

I totally know how you feel first hand because I fall behind all the time too. Its a rollercoaster of a ride I tell ya.! And I like you have had to be taught all over again mean how to eat, take insulin to cover carbs, exercise it is nothing to be embarrassed about. I also used to skip shots for a long time because I did not want to gain weight and didn't care anymore either, but you know what it wasn't worth it. I felt even more sick because of having high blood sugars all the time and was hospitilized too many times to count on my hands, it not only affected me but my whole family and my friends as well. I was depresssed and I had to seek out medical help because I couldn't help myself anymore. I don't want you to go down a road that I was on. It is ok to ask people for help if you feel you can't do it by yourself. It took me so long to realize that. Once I asked my family to help they became (and even my diabetes care team) a really great support system and we got through it together.

And if you don't have that kind of support at home... we can help you get through it here on juvenation! We are not medical professionals but we should be haha! That is why we all joined this amazing site to help each other.

Or if you need someone to talk to privately you can go to my profile and send me a message.

Diabetes is a mentally draining disease and everyone gets down about it at one time or another. Trust me you are not alone in this. Please talk to someone at home about it or if you feel you can't there are toll free numbers where you can talk to someone annoymously if you would like I can provide these numbers to you.

Hang in there!

Gina

 


(JDRF_SGG) #7

Melody,

One reason you are feeling so despondent MAY be because your glucose levels are high. I know that if my numbers are off -- if they either go high OR low -- the result can be a real depressed feeling that nothing helps. The brain needs a certain amount of seratonin in order to keep us content with life, happy to be alive, and when glucose goes amuck, we don't produce enough seratonin. So i suggest that you take just 2 days, and test every couple of hours and adjust to try to normalize your glucose, and see if you don't feel more "in control." In my own case, if my numbers are off, the feeling is more than just a blue sensation -- I start to feel overwhelmed, pressured, and I lose confidence in my own abilities. I want to crawl in a hole and disappear when those emotions hit me, and I suppose if i really stop and think about it, I KNOW that my "blues" are not due to my surroundings but are something very physical. Please rally to fix the blood sugar problem, and see if your mood doesn't improve.

As for skipping shots to not gain weight, there are other ways to lose weight. Ways that won't make you feel depressed and sick. Insulin itself does not cause weight gain, so insulin is not the "bad guy" here!!!! Insulin just helps your body function normally, and helps your brain work by letting it have the converted carbs that it needs. The reason we gain weight is because our bodies are getting more calories than they need. So if you just cut the portion size of your foods a bit, or maybe change the foods you are eating, weight gain will stop. And if you are now eating fruits and veggies instead of packaged foods, you will not only lose weight, but you will FEEL GOOD while  you lose.

Please don't give up! ALL of us have to deal with the same issues, but like Joe wrote, life has too much good stuff in it to miss. I have been diabetic for almost 40 years and know from experience that the key to feeling good is keeping those glucose numbers normal. All you have to do is to focus on that very next glucose test -- you don't have to worry about "keeping up" or having perfect numbers. Just test and if you are high, give yourself a little boost of insulin. Then test again in about 3 hours. Again, drink some juice or give a little insulin, depending on what the number tells you. All we have to do is take it one test at a time. Don't look at the whole picture, but just at that one little step. The good health and brighter spirits will just automatically start to happen. One step at a time, repeat every 3 hours. That's my formula, and it works.

What you want to do is to keep your health while scientific research is working on a cure for us. If we stay healthy, then when a cure is made available, we can enjoy life. I volunteer for the JDRF Online Diabetes Support Team, and I can tell you that many people write to us wishing that they had tried a little harder to protect themselves from complications when they were younger. I remember one 18-year-old girl who had developed serious eye problems because she had not known to maintain good glucose control, and she said she would give anything to go back and live those first years over again. We are NOT doomed to have complications... Almost 40 years after starting insulin shots, I am still complication-free. But the only way to be protected is to test and adjust our insulin. Do this for your FUTURE!

I love what Gina wrote to you. She has walked in your shoes, and she has come through it still as human as the rest of us, but a bit wiser. Please learn from our experiences and value yourself enough to help yourself. Just test and adjust. That's all it takes.

You have a lot of friends here.

 


(onepunkydiabetic) #8

Thanks so much all of you!!! you all helped me thur it!

 im already feeling better and starting back on the right track!!!

im so glad i have all of you to call my friends!! ;0)

with out you all ...i just wouldnt be here!!!
im sorry i said the whole cancer thing in there! when im depressed i guess i just dont think clearly..

i hope i didnt piss anyone off!
its just hard ...

BUT REALLY THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! 


(OmniUser) #9

The previos conversation proovs how sticking togerther can make a difference. this is awesome. this acctualy made me feel better even thou i was not beeing talked to.. :)


(Jana M) #10

It is really helpful to read all of these responses, I often forget that there are so many other people out there dealing with this too.  I don't and haven't ever had any other diabetics in my life; I have always pushed through alone.  It is so touching to see how much everyone cares, I am so thankful I found this site...


(lohara) #11

Melody,

I am glad you are feeling better but I want to agree with something a few other people wrote: when your blood is high, you do not think straight. When my blood gets high, I feel lethargic and cranky. But when you have a good day and your blood sugars are normal, it is really exciting! I went to the gym for an hour tonight and felt so good after running 2 miles and lifting weights. Exercise will make you feel a lot better and help you control your blood sugars. As far as the weight loss thing, I have had diabetes for 15 years and I KNOW how hard it can be when you see friends losing weight and you just can't make it happen. But you HAVE to take your insulin. If you don't, you will wind up blind or without a leg, or with a myriad of other problems. You should try to be thankful for what you have, for the friends and family in your life, and for the support and love of others. Personally my issues are that my blood gets so low so fast and I never recognize it. My blood was 32 this morning as we were walking in to get breakfast and I actually felt like I might have a seizure. I usually do not know when it gets that low, but I realized I was eating later than usual and knew it would be low so I checked it to see if getting orange juice before the meal would be necessary. I would not be here today if it weren't for my friends and family who lovingly take care of me when my mind turns off and my blood drops so low. But there are answers: I am getting a continuous glucose monitor to help me know when my blood is low or high (or normal) and I am getting a new pump. You can do this too and you can be happy. Good luck with everything!!


(paulacd8) #12

Hey Melody,

I am so glad you are feeling better. Thank you for posting because you and everyone who have posted here have helped me realize that we all can feel down about having diabetes. I admit that for the 8.5 years that I have been diabetic, I have been lucky in, at least, controlling my blood sugars pretty good. For the past few years, I have been so strict in controlling my blood sugars to make sure I was given the "OK" to be able to have children. For the past few months, I have been extremely depressed because I worked so hard in controlling my blood sugars so well; however, I can not have children for unrelated reasons. So I have been feeling extremely angry about having diabetes that I have not been myself. I am so glad that we have juvenation so that we can vent about dealing with diabetes. good luck and continue venting!!

-Paula


(stilledlife) #13

Hey Melody!

You came to the right place. I came to Juvenation feeling very down about myself and my diabetes.

 The diabetes burn-out hurts a lot. I lost my endo because I quit showing up to appointments, I wanted off the pump and to just  go back to shots so I could have my diabetes control my life again. However just being here has changed the way I feel, and my sugars. My A1C has already dropped a whole point from 8.6 to 7.4 since I have been here.

Here I learned to think about my diabetes again by think about other people's diabetes. It is hard to be introspective in a good way sometimes- so thinking about how to solve other peoples' problems has helped me figure out how to solve my own. Because here, we all share those problems, we share a similar path. =) Welcome to Juvenation.

 


(cdavid1) #14

I'm not trying to talk like I know what you are going through, because I've only been diabetic for over 2 months.

But my reason for always making sure I'm taking care of myself is my family. My dad is diabetic and I know that if I fall behind he and my mother would be very disappointed in me. I like to prove to my parents that I can go to school and work and control my diabetes while I do everything else I love to do in life.

And, my boyfriend. He has been one of my major supports throughout these past 2 1/2 months. I feel like for once in my life that people look at me and see someone who can take care of everything on her own.

I don't want to disappoint my parents, other family or boyfriend. And I want to be healthy so I can graduate from college, get a great job, have a wonderful family and do everything everyone else does.

Looking forward to many different things keeps me happy.


(Gina) #15

Courtney,

That is a great attitude,  I hope that you will always feel that way!


(cdavid1) #16

I've never felt more proud of myself and more satisfied in everything that I do until now. And, it's sad that it took diabetes to make me think this way.


(MaDEvans) #17

[quote user="Courtney"]

I've never felt more proud of myself and more satisfied in everything that I do until now. And, it's sad that it took diabetes to make me think this way.

[/quote]

Don't feel sad about that, Courtney.  It's hard to grasp just how lucky we are to be living until we really think about it.  Being diagnosed with diabetes is a perfect opportunity to do so.  The most important thing is that you're feeling satisfied now; it's a great feeling.  My experience 3 years ago was the exact same.  I was doing bad things to other people and I only thought about myself.  It's kind of like the preview for the new movie coming out:  "funny people" with adam sandler (I love Jude Apatow movies).  His doctor tells him he has a few months to live and then he finally starts caring about what he is doing with his life.  When his doctor tells him he actually beats the illness, he finds a new passion for life.

I think my diagnosis was that seminal event.  It gave me a sense that I am mortal, and everything I do really matters.  Since then I have been trying my best to make every day count, since now I'm fully aware that my days here are finite.  I'm fully aware because of the constant fear of complications... which can be pretty daunting sometimes, but when you're taking good care of yourself everyday it just goes to show how much you value living.  I want to soak in the beauty of every single day of my silly little life so once I do die I can think to myself... I was lucky to be given only one chance at this and I lived my life well, I stayed as healthy as I could, and I loved those who loved me back 100%.  :)


(StevieRae) #18

Hey melody

Im stevie and yes im a girl. But im going thriugh the same things u r. Ive only had diabetes for a year and a half and i have not been taking any shots for a while because i just dont like it. Then my sugars get high and i cry cuz i dnt want to take a shot to brng it down. It sucks and im tired of it but im thinking of getting a pump so i dont have to do anything really