a couple of funny things I learned about prayer, higher power, and things of this nature, if I pray for all my troubles to go away… they don’t. if I pray to be a zillionaire or famous, or popular, it doesn’t help me at all.
also - if I pray for patience… I tend to get troublesome things by the dozens
the sum of what I have come to understand is that being angry with diabetes or being angry at myself, leads nowhere. in order to find peace with myself, I first had to forgive myself from the failure of getting sick, and I had to stop looking for the place to put my blame - be it diet, viruses, hexes and witchcraft, or even bad luck.
there is a language I had to learn about letting go of things. I considered myself a warrior I considered myself so tough for not “giving up” that I could hold on to my hate and anger for so long when all it was doing was hurting me. see, I never really got what “let go and let God” meant and so I never identified with it - but a very good friend once put it another way for me that even someone as thick and stubborn as me could get… he said simply: “let go or be dragged” and I finally got the point.
anyway - I neglected my diabetes for decades and then turned things around. it’s never too late to take good care of yourself, to develop your talents, to start a new life, to go back to school, or even to start a new attitude. you get to decide.
for me - i just take the things I get in my life as things to help me learn and understand. nothing more, nothing less. the universe does NOT owe me a favor, so I stopped asking. I have found people suffering way more than me and found them to be able to be happy.
I hope you put down your weapons. I hope you can find peace with this because I am guessing that it’s the fighting, not the disease, that is making you exhausted.
good luck to you.