How do you cope without spousal support


(sneathbupp) #1

My husband started up a new set of arguments about my t1d. Now he says I have a hypochondriac mindset and that is causing my ocular hypertension. He says I will just keep getting sicker and sicker unless I stop thinking and talking about t1d. The moderate elevation of IOP predates the t1d diagnosis by a couple of years so I don’t see his point. Anyway I find it impossible not to think about t1d with at least 4 injections a day and checking bg. I have been diagnosed for 6 months and still find it a bit overwhelming. Now I have to avoid any mention of it at all and if he knew I was on this forum he’d go nuts.
I have to back to the opthamologist for a visual field test and my husband started comaining about all my problems.
I’m doing well with a1c at 6.1 and no visible nerve damage in the eye, just the moderately high IOP.
I keep coming back complaining about my spouse’s attitude but I just have to vent somewhere. So thanks!
I won’t let him talk me out of necessary doctor visits but I will try to honor his request to never talk of t1d in his presence.


(joe) #2

@sneathbupp, that kind of sucks, pardon my profanity.

I don’t see how stress is related to glaucoma and many times is also only loosely related to high blood pressure, in my opinion. (I am not a doctor and I also don’t play one on TV).

keeping tabs on both (IOP and blood pressure) is part of our deal. I see my retina specialist every 6 months, I have great pressure but I have diabetic on-disk retinopathy. sorry you don’t have support, hopefully you can get some here.


(kc6uus) #3

Hello, It may be that your husband just does not know how to give you support. This is all new to him as well as you.
Might be just as scarry to him also because he is just not sure what to do. Try to stick to the POSITIVE things when
you communicate with him.


(carl benwon) #4

Heck, I know I’m boring people with my thoughts and comments on diabetes.

That said, I don’t quite know what I’d do without my wife’s support! She actually has a timer on her cell phone to remind me to take my Lantus at night!

Sorry for such struggles.

f-d


(davidinaz) #5

I fear you may need a marriage counselor…he’s dismissing your legitimate concerns with a mix of contempt and disrespect. He has left you on your own with this disease. To NEVER talk about this in hiss presence is a bit crazy. If he won’t go see a counselor is suggest going to see one on your own then.


(rvedt82) #6

Hi, I thought I would reach out and respond to your post because I’m a type 1, married, and have had some eye issues. I came into my relationship with my bf (later husband) after having diabetes for 15 years though. So, it wasn’t a new experience to go through after being married. No matter how much you try and explain it to him (whether he’s fully supportive or not) your husband won’t be able to relate to what you’re going through. Diabetes does play a part of your life 24/7 and fighting it can just make things more frustrating. I don’t expect my husband to understand what I’m going through and frankly he’s not the type of person who fawns over me so it’s something I deal with on my own, primarily. It’s also challenging because you can’t just look at a person and know they have diabetes, especially if they just take injections and aren’t on a pump. So it’s a visual thing too, I think. They don’t see it so they forget it’s there. Keep taking your vision seriously. My issues didn’t start creeping up until after I had my child. Some of it has healed, but not totally. I have ocular hypertension (just one of my eye issues) that is treated with an ocular steroid and that keeps my pressure readings in better range. Too high of pressure in the eyes can lead to glaucoma so it’s definitely important to keep that in check. I also have the retinopathy and have had swelling of the oedema, which was treated with steroid injections in the eye. Not fun. I take things one day at a time with diabetes and try to remain really flexible and open minded to adjusting things (insulin/diet/exercise) when needed to accommodate it. After having my child, I’ve had bad lows at night occasionally where my husband has had to wake me up out of them. Also not fun. We don’t take about it much, other then that he gets frustrated because it disturbs his sleep cycle. Yeah, I know. Thats why talking about the diabetes with him is kind of a lost cause. It definitely would be nice if he was a bit more open to trying to understand what I go through with it. I’ve just dealt with diabetes for so long on my own that’s it’s just how things are and I’ve accepted it. I’m an adult with a child and there’s no excuse for not looking out for myself, especially since I would like to be around for my daughter as she grows up. I know you can’t control everything that happens with diabetes but I just do what I can (maintaining a good A1c, going to appts, etc). If you think he’d be open to counseling, you could try that like another person suggested. I don’t know what the rest of your marriage is like. So ultimately that’s up to you. Anyway, take care of yourself because at the end of the day, you’re the only one who can do it. Feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk more.

-Rachael


(Karolyn) #7

I’m new here, but I have no support whatsoever (zero, none!!) from my husband or any family members. All the time my husband only eats candy bars with other family and friends eating everything under the sun. When I bring my own food I hear, “What? You think you’re better than us and won’t eat pizza?!” I always try to explain, “I’m a diabetic and don’t want the sugar/carbs.” But it never gets through. Absolutel beyond frustrating!
Any suggestions on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks - Karolyn


(Bill) #8

Hi, Karolyn @Karolyn1,

Years ago I would have responded suggesting family counseling would be helpful. And I would have suggested trying to educate friends/extended family members so they could appreciate what you are up against. But today, I don’t think so.

Yesterday I was working a political booth at our local county fair and rodeo (a really huge event for this region of Texas, not just this county). And I watched hundreds of people walk past the booth stuffing their faces with the most horrible and unhealthy food I had seen in years. The majority of those people were either morbidly obese or were awfully close to being morbidly obese. I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing. And it was obvious from the way they were dressed that they “just didn’t care.”

I am keenly aware of a man who married into a family where “food was king.” And I’m not talking “health food.” In that family pies, cakes, cookies, and foods with calorie-laden sauces were all you ever saw on the table. The man had had T1D for about two years before he married.

Over the years the man found himself “following suite” with his new extended family members; his management of his diabetes became, for lack of a better term, “casual.” Then, after about twenty years of marriage, he found himself facing a quadruple coronary artery bypass; the surgeon took the necessary blood vessels from the man’s left leg (can you see where this is headed?).

I’ll dramatically shorten the story. After twenty more years the man has had two heart attacks, he has severe peripheral neuropathy, he has had to have his left leg amputated above the knee, he has “claw hands,” and has experienced moderate-to-severe vision loss because of retinopathy.

Now the man and his wife divorced some ten years ago. But the “wheels were already in motion” leading to his later diabetes-related complications.

And his two children? They sided with their mother, are all living near her, and are morbidly obese. Guess what’s coming later in their lives.

Now you might say, “Well, he just never got an adequate diabetes education.” And you might also say, “Maybe no one ever explained to the wife that managing diet was important.” I wish I could say that, but I attempted the education myself. I spent countless hours educating both him and his wife about living well with diabetes. His wife just never wanted to hear it. The man didn’t want to hear it either, but finally did after it was really too late.

I was visiting with the man several weeks ago and he spontaneously offered, “I wish I hadn’t married her. Life would have been different. And I’m so worried about the kids…” Yeah, if only.

And he was right. The group you “run with” can sometimes determine what you are willing to “hear” and who you are willing to listen to.

Karolyn, I am now firmly of the opinion that some situations are “snake bit” (there is no way to survive in them the way they are). I would encourage you to carefully evaluate the situation you are in. It doesn’t sound good to me.

Best of luck to you!

Bill


(Karolyn) #9

Hi Bill,
Thanks for your response. I’ve had a hard time navigating the website and finally saw how to reply to a message.