I'm new to this site and I thought it could help me out with some of my problems. I'm a junior in high school, and I feel like I'm just so depressed all the time (I probably am now that I admitted it). And after thinking a lot about it, there is probably one thing that affects everything else: my weight. And I know there have been multiple topics on this issue, but I don't feel like there were answers I was looking for. Plus, I kind of wanted to release all the tension I've been holding since I was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes in 2006.
So before diagnosis, I was skinny and smart and happy and everything was fine. Then comes diabetes and all this weight just piled up! and no matter how hard I try, all the exercising, dieting, nothing seems to be working. My grades are slipping and I'm always stressed and all I worry about is losing pounds!! And at one point, I seriously considered to stop eating, but I'm not sure what would happen. If I didn't eat like anything, I wouldn't need to take insulin, right and therefore stop gaining pounds? Idk, but I don't think I would be able to do that anyways. cause I eat off the walls! My thighs...are so gross I can't stop thinking about how big they are, and all the while, I don't fricking do anything about it!! I try to find answers and get mixed responses such as go running or walking, and then others tell me that running will grow muscles which will make my legs even bigger! and I don't care if I don't have muscles in my legs, I just want them to be thin again. Instead, I try to cut down on food, but it's obviously not working. T__T Then I give up, and completely binge on unhealthy things. -.-
So I try to take a minimal amount of insulin but still enough to account for whatever I ate (which is a lot anyways), but now that I learned why I'm getting so fat is because of insulin, I don't wanna take it anymoreee. I know diabulimia is really bad, so I'm not going to stop taking insulin...but I don't want to inject myself anymore because I'm just going to gain more weight and I don't know what to do about it. My thighs are really large because I inject myself there the most. So when I change sites and decide to do my stomach, IT'S FAT THERE TOO because I also inject there! T_T Then I figured I should do my arm, and what do you know, THEY'RE SO FAT, TOO! omg i don't knoww, I don't want anywhere do gain anymore weight.
I seriously gained like 30 pounds and my love handles stick out like sore thumb!! Does anyone know what I should do to get rid of them?
All this plus my roller coaster blood sugars are all so overwhelming and I can't take it anymore. I think I'm going to become depressed and not take care of myself, and my mom won't let me go away for college if I can't take care of myself, and I probably won't get into college anyway because my grades are dropping, and I have SAT exams coming up, and I also have AP exams coming up, and I have more schoolwork to do, and I have no time to concentrate on weight now, but I DO IT ANYWAYS and it's making me stressed, which makes my blood sugars messed up, and I eat WAY more than I used to and I HATE DIABETES. T____T
And I realize I'm having a mental breakdown, but I am grateful that I got diabetes and not something worse. Sometimes, I am proud of being a diabetic, and other times I want to just give up! like right about now...
Maybe others feel this way too? what do you do about it all? I can't help but always wonder how my life would be if I didn't get diabetes, and then I start crying and I don't how to handle anything.
Sorry this is so long and that it might be in the wrong section of the forum,