Before you start reading this, I am not interested in the following kinds of comments:
- You should be on the pump regardless of your feelings towards it
- You will have better control while on the pump
- You're stupid for not already being on the pump
FYI..this is gonna be a long read! haha. I would have put it in the "pump" section..but due to the 18+ nature of one of my concerns, I felt that wouldn't be appropriate.
I'm probably gonna end up kicking myself for this..but I have been thinking about it for a few days, and with Heather's thread where I found out you can do a month trial..there isn't really much to stop myself except my own fear of technology giving me insulin and my feelings about having something attached to me 24/7.
I have my next endo appointment mid-July and I was planning on asking about trying the CGMS for a month or so anyways..so I might as well discuss doing a trial of the pump again(he brought up the topic about two-three years ago and when I flat our refused, dropped it)..just to have a more vaild reason for not wanting the pump other than "I am not comfortable relying on a computer to give me my medication".
I was even talking about it on my "date" last night. He went to school with two girls who had the pump, and his last serious relationship was with this co-worker of ours(well ex-co-worker for me) who has T1 diabetes. We worked at the same grocery store, only when I worked there he had moved to another of the chain locations, but is now back..so we know a lot of the same people..including my brothers who both worked at the same location as me. He lived with her for over a year, so he was pretty comfortable talking about it and brought it up!
The funny thing is, he was puzzled about the same things I was, and even freaked out by the same things I was!
My five main concerns:
- Swimming/Exercising/Hot Tubs/Disconnecting
- Having tubing (GAH!)
Sleeping - I can be a very violent sleeper at times..especially when my blood sugar is low..last night? I woke up and elbowed my friend in the ribs when I spazzed out over the nightmare that had woken me up. I got some juice and got back into bed, then woke up a few minutes later, and jabbed them again..as the nightmare started where it left off! Always by mistake, but it usually happens when I have nightmares(this one happened to involve a pump at one point!..but it was someone else coming to me and asking about their pump screwing up and what to do..haha).
I also roll around a lot in my sleep. I know you can attach it to your PJs..but I sleep in my underwear/the buff more often than not..which makes me wonder..what happens if someone is sleeping in bed with me(whether or not I have clothes on haha) or we're spooning..what if they bump it or roll onto it or something? what happens?!
Swimming/Excerising/Hot Tubs/Disconnecting - I know you disconnect for swimming..but what about sports or excerising? I don't play on any teams..but one of my BIGGEST fear is being out with my friends at the beach and playing a game and having someone knock into me and it ripping out! My "date" said that one of the girls from highschool had a member of the opposite soccer team target her pump to injure her during the game!
What about going out to the clubs and dancing..will I always have to make a pouch in my dresses/skirts? What a hassle! What if I decide to go to a metal show and go into the mosh pit?! FREAKS ME OUT!
What about hot tubs? Saunas? I love hot tubs.
If I'm always having to disconnect and it's a huge hassle too..that's enough to make me not want it.
Tubing - The idea of having tubing sticking out of me freaks me out as well. I know people have said they are asked about their "cellphone" and no one knows it's a pump for the most part..but the fact that it's there..it's visible..it makes my diabetes visible..is a real discomfort for me. I take pride if being able to appear like everyone else..until I tell someone or whip out a needle! I don't feel my medic bracelet makes it obvious I'm different..since so many people have them for allergies and such..but having obvious tubing and a device attached to me..makes me feel a little weird to think about. But mostly I'm just freaked out about having tubing and the chance it will get ripped out..even if those chances are slim.
I've heard horror stories(and seen pictures) of blood gushing out when it's changed, massive bruising, having them get ripped out and blood gushing everywhere...
Sex - We're all adults..so let's be honest we have sex!
I'm very active sexually because I have a very high sexdrive..I'm not ashamed to admit it. When not in a relationship, it varies from week to week but I have generally have a few encounters a week. When in a relationship, it's everyday or close to it, and usually several times a day.
I obviously didn't tell my "date" this, but we both wonder what you do during sex! The girls he knew in highschool were not seeing anyone and as far he knew not having sex yet..so he was just as confused and concerned as I was on the topic. His ex-gf was using the MDI method, just like I am, while their relationship.
Do you disconnect and then connect again afterwards? What if you wake up in the middle of the night for a romp? Do you go "oh just give me a second to disconnect.." and then do it haha? I like sponantous sex sometimes..what happens then? Does it always have to be planned? What happens if you don't disconnect? I don't wanna be stuck with one position because I'm too scared to move around if I've kept it connected..and what happens if they knock it or lean on it?! I generally have pretty rough sex and often come out with bruises and marks...but I don't wanna come out of it with a ripped out pump!!
Insulin - What are the chances it will give me the wrong dose of insulin? I've tried the pens in the past..and the first injection went okay but the second time I ended up having to stay home because somehow I got way more insulin then I had turned the dial(it was obvious by how much was left in the vial) and we freaked out! I ended up shovelling food into my body before the insulin kicked in to prevent a low!
Probably the biggest of my five concerns is relying on a device to give me insulin. I'm so used to MDI and knowing how much I'm taking because I can SEE how much I'm taking. I also know that sometimes technology fucks up..and that scares me because something as simple as getting too much insulin or not enough insulin is a HUGE fuck up.
If I do end up going on a trial, I really think I'll end up going back to MDI..though you never know..but I'm still freaked out by even the idea of a 30-day trial still! I like change..but I don't like change that involves how I get my insulin. I guess the whole point is to discuss my concerns and figure out if they really are a problem..