I have to say that I didn't believe people when they said it would get easier but they were right. I am not over it and the pain is still there but at least it doesn't consume me. There are times when I watch a movie and I think of the ones I have lost but more than anythig else.....whenever something significant happens in my life (such as my daughter's diagnosis), I want to pick up the phone and call my sister. It is only then that I realize she is no longer with me. And then I feel like I am losing her all over again. I can't stand the thought of erasing her number off my cell phone. Whenever I have to look up a number I always see hers and it brings a tear to my eye. Sometimes I want to call it and see who answers. I had a panic attack in the cell phone place when my phone broke and they weren't sure it would save my contacts. I was sure her name and number wouldn't be on my phone any more and I couldn't deal with that. They salesman felt so bad that he wrote down the numbers just in case. I know it is silly but I can't seem to let go. She had been gone for 2 years now and everyone has moved on but me. Of course they still have times of sadness but it doesn't compare to my grief. I have started volunteering with different charities and that seems to help.
stanandkathie (stanandkathie) #1