Lost hope

(Sawyer) #1

Okay guys. I’m gonna try this. I need support. I have been in and out of the hospital for about 2 years with DKA. I was diagnosed a little over three years ago with type 1 diabetes when I was 15. Things have gotten better but there are days or weeks where I just let go. I get so tired of doing everything by myself. My mother notices (who is my best friend and my support system) and gets on me about it. I try to fix things and do better but when my mom gets tired and overwhelmed she says she is done pushing me so hard because she can’t do it anymore. And it makes me lose all hope. Have any of you lost hope and figured out ways to help motivate yourself

(joe) #2

@Sawyer_McCanless hi Sawyer

lost hope… pfffffft yes. once a day since 1979, with a continuous block between 1982 to 2001.

it was hardest the 2nd year after diagnosis, when the idea of incurable disease forever whole life chronic, and “life will never be the same” began to sink in. So I denied it ever happened and then lied and cheated and hid for a long time.

I don’t blame you for being angry at yourself for getting diabetes, or angry at others because they don’t have diabetes, or angry at the universe for giving you diabetes, because I did and I was for a very long time.

no one gets to take a shortcut on the path from trauma to acceptance. you kind of have to live it.

talking bout it helps, and doing something… anything really, can help you not get stuck the way I did so maybe it won’t affect your life and relationships horribly for the next 19 years.

the key thing for me to learn was that it’s okay to be angry, and that I have to take care of myself because it’s the right thing to do, because I deserve to be happy and live a meaningful life despite having a boat anchor to drag behind me called “diabetes”… when I thought really hard about it, everybody in the world has some kind of boat anchor they have to drag, forever. no particular anchor is better or worse, and this one is mine.

I am glad you wrote about it, because it means you are thinking about it and that means you are on the road to feeling better. I hope you check back in and let us know how you are doing.

(Kyle) #3

Hi Sawyer,

What are you currently using to manage your diabetes? Insulin pens, vial and syringe, or an insulin pump?

(Theresa) #4

I was diagnosed when I was turning 20. I have had days where I didn’t want to deal with it but then I felt so bad it wasn’t worth not taking care of myself. I am a nurse now so I see so many ways that I could have it worse than having diabetes that is controllable. I have been on a pump for 20 years and love it. There are days I hate being hooked to something and there are clothes that I avoid buying because of no place to put the pump to not show. I went on vacation several years ago and disconnected my pump and went back on shots for a week. I couldn’t get home fast enough to go back on my pump. It gives me the independence that I need to live like I want to. The new Medtronic 670g is wonderful and has given better control with what I feel is more freedom.
Hang in there. It is worth it to take care of yourself but don’t beat yourself up when you slide a bit. Just jump back up on the saddle again. My biggest fear is amputation of dialysis so that is my motivator. I have had diabetes for 32 years with no issues at this time. I take pride in not having any other problems.
You’ve got this! You have a support group right here.

(Suzanne) #5

Hi Sawyer,
I have had Type 1 Diabetes for 52 years and have been through the whole gamut of feelings. When I was younger I had a few instances of DKA but have not had the issue for many years. I advise people who are struggling to locate a mental health provider who can help out and that you feel comfortable with. Depression is 50% more prevalent in people with diabetes and it is manageable. For people who are newly diagnosed you will/are going to go through all the phases of grief. However there is light at the end of the tunnel.That is number one. Number two is having a friend or someone else you can talk to, explain your diabetes to and do things together. I also find that blogs here at the JDRF and other sites help greatly. So many of us go through the same thing and you are not alone.
I now use an Omnipod and a Dexcom and find it helps me feel like I can relax a little more. Diabetes does take diligence, I won’t lie, but trust me it is well worth it. You can do anything with T1DM, you can carbohydrate count so meals will be easier and you can be physically active in so many ways.
I hope this has helped and if you want to reach out or have questions, please do. Hope life does get easier for you. Good luck Sawyer.

(flebeccaann) #6

Hi Sawyer,

I’m sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I’ve been in your shoes before and it’s completely normal to feel tired of this disease. Diabetes is a full-time job and sometimes it can feel like you never catch a break. If you wanna check out the link below, there are some helpful tips for how to manage diabetes burnout. Feel free to add me as a friend on here and we can chat more if you’d like. I hope this helps!


(pamcklein) #7

Hi Sawyer,

I have had T1D for over 50 years. I remember when I was 17 I switched to a new endocrine because my control was bad and I didn’t feel my doctor was helping enough. A friend had been recommending her doc for quite a while and I finally decided to give him a try. I am so glad I did!

He turned my life around by pointing out what might seem the most obvious. That is: “You have a choice to make. You can let your blood sugars run out of control now and deal with the complications of diabetes later on, or you can keep your blood sugars under control now and not have to worry about complications later.” The choice is yours. Your doctor, your family, your friends, not even your mother can do it for you. They can’t be there 24 hours a day to keep you on track. You have to decide what’s more important; that piece of cake, or your health. You can do it! You just have to make the choice. As for me, I’m now 56 years old and have no complications. Guess you can tell which choice I made! :slight_smile:

Pam K.
T1D 53+ yrs and counting

(KaraG) #8

Sawyer, you can feel free to throw this suggestion out the window if you want; that’s what I would have done when I was 18. I was diagnosed at 16 and am 26 now. The year after I was diagnosed, my dad got involved with a T1D support group at our local hospital. He would take my younger sister and I (she’s diabetic as well) and we would meet other individuals and families dealing with our same struggles.

When I was a teenager I didn’t really appreciate it, I was too shy and not really comfortable talking about my diabetes at that point. Now I have come to appreciate how important it is to have an in person support system when you are going through the very hard physical and emotional times that diabetes can bring. If you can connect with other T1D’s in your local area, I think it’s worth your time. Anybody who actually shares your diagnosis will be able to understand better than your mom (although I’m sure she tries). “Diabuddies” are also great for other reasons. If you’re high and just need to sleep it off, they can offer a couch to crash on and no judgement. If you run into an emergency situation where you’re out of insulin or test strips (inevitable), guess who will have them? Just food for thought.

Last thing: don’t let diabetes win! Use it to build character, and keep on trying.

(Dennis J. Dacey, PWD) #9

So well said Kara @KaraG, thanks for sharing these really “right on” ideas.