MOM is still on denial


(Anamarys) #1

Today I went to see my doctor for the fisrt time since I was at the hospital for a week and was told I have T1. I had asked my mother all week to come with me so we both could get more information. She has it in her head that I don't I don't have diabetes and shouldn't be injecting myself. I was trying not to stress myself out today but I couldn't help but cry. It's hard to not have support from your parents...when you need them the most. I know it's a big change but I'm trying to learn and do what I have to do so I can live and be around longer. I did  have my younger sister go with me which made me happy so see she cared. I'm sorry...I needed to let it out my chest. Thanks for listening!!!

Anamarys~ T1 8/8/09


(Anonymous) #2

Here's the thing, and my opinion on the matter. One cannot dwell on what others do or do not choose to believe. If your mom doesn't believe the numbers, the doctors, and the signs - unfortunately, that's just too bad.

I don't know what would make her believe it; I don't know when that will happen. But in the mean time, perhaps you should tell her this? Explain how hard it is not to have her support. But be strong. Tell her you would appreciate her supporting you in such a hard time; you'd like for her to attend an appointment so she can get more information. She hasn't been interested thus far, and that's hard for you - so you'd appreciate it if she would step up and be the mother her daughter needs right now.

I'm willing to guess she's in denial because she doesn't want to believe something could happen to her daughter. If you ask me she is going about it the wrong way, but don't let that hold you back. Don't let her disbelief stop you from going out and conquering diabetes, because you can do it. Whether she chooses to get on board and believe you is unfortunately up to her. But don't let it get you down.

I hope you know what I mean; I think this post may come across differently than it's intended or seems to me... So it's meant well. :)


(figure skater girl) #3

maybe, you just need to ignore her for a week, as hard as that sounds. try to concentrate on those who will support you. i hope everything turns out ok!


(joe) #4

[quote user="Anamarys"]

Today I went to see my doctor for the fisrt time since I was at the hospital for a week and was told I have T1. I had asked my mother all week to come with me so we both could get more information. She has it in her head that I don't I don't have diabetes and shouldn't be injecting myself. I was trying not to stress myself out today but I couldn't help but cry. It's hard to not have support from your parents...when you need them the most. I know it's a big change but I'm trying to learn and do what I have to do so I can live and be around longer. I did  have my younger sister go with me which made me happy so see she cared. I'm sorry...I needed to let it out my chest. Thanks for listening!!!

[/quote]

i have had this awful dieease for 31 years.

I agree your mom is in denial.  I agree you have to do whatever you have to to take care of yourself.  I am so happy you got your support anyway and I think your kid sister rules.

here's my thought:  it is an abject horror to find out your baby is sick.  as a parent all you worry and care about is the welfare of your children.  to find out suddenly that one of your kids is sick, with an incurable disease, can be too much.  You may retreat and believe it's a dream, it isn't real, and it is going to go away because there is a desperation that parents go through when they find out they cannot help their child no matter what they do or how hard they try.

here's another thought - it is common for your insulin requirements to be ZERO or almost zero after a short time on insulin - it's called a honeymoon.  Your body can make insulin on it's own for 2 weeks to a year.  This will reinforce your mom's belief that it's going to go away.  Since you seem to have your head screwed on a bit tighter than she does =)  I just wanted to tell you.  The honeymoon can be a cruel, misleading time in your near future.  Control can be effortless too, just long enough for you to believe everything is great and it's easy, and then it starts to get harder.  no worries, you can do it, and we can help you  good luck Anamarys


(larawithhrt) #5

I am so sorry to hear that about your parents.  I got it age 17- actually dx at 18 and my parents were not involved at all and still ask dumb questions about it 26 years later.  so I feel for you right now- to hear what you are going through.

On a positive note, I sought other people in my life over the years to be a positive support system and am thankful for them.  Stick to the positive people in your life right now and you may want to check out your local JDRF to go to a support group too- that helped me at the beginning since I was on my own- literally.

I hope your mom comes around, but you have to take control of it without them now for your own health- maybe they will come around later- but if they never do like my parents, you will still be ok if you decide to take charge of it.

I am sure you are going through so much right now- just getting diagnosed- learning all the stuff- dealing with high and low bloodsugars- the frustration and scariness of it all and SHOCK of it all- that is wonderful your younger sister came with you and turn to the ones in your life who are supporting you now.

And get good education and doctors to help you. 

Keep us posted.

Laura

 


(bassoonist1719) #6

I agree with Alyssa and Courtenay.  Also, if you are comfortable discussing your diagnosis with other people - friends, family, etc., you could gain their support and help them convince your mom that although having diabetes is a large burden to bear, it is manageable as long as you treat it and take insulin multiple times a day.  I'm sure your mom loves you very much and only wants the best for you.  Once she overcomes the shock of your diagnosis and the misconceptions she may have I think/hope that she will support you.  If she can talk to your endocrinologist and have him/her explain what you need and how she can help you, then maybe she will come to terms the situation.  


(Anamarys) #7

Thank you so much everyone. I'm happy that I have support from all of you....I will stay positive and continue on with the people that love and support me.


(Anamarys) #8

Thanks for the support... My mother has always been there for me since I was a kid. Having to stay in the hospital with manangitis, heart mumur, 3 surgerys for kidney stones, she took care of me when I had migrane for 2 weeks straight. She was there but I need her now and she is having trouble accepting that I have Diabetes. I know she doesn't mean harm but it does hurt. I just hope she wakes up and helps me or at least acknowledge the reality.


(BrianPQuinn) #9

People each have their own coping mechanisms when it comes to certain things. Knowing that ones child is sick and there is nothing that they can do about it frustrates every parent. While mentally I am sure she accepts the fact that you are a diabetic, deep down we all hope that maybe the initial diagnosis is wrong. It's the same thing with other illnesses, if you are diagnosed with cancer we want to deny it and say no it is wrong, I want a second opinion. As time moves on your mom will come around to it and move out of the denial phase of your illness. I mean we tend to think it is only us that needs to cope with something like this. I never even thought what my parents went through.

I know my dad blames himself, that somehow it is his fault that I was diagnosed, he was always there for me, high's and low's he was there. But I know that if he could he would take the disease from me and bring it on himself. It is just part of being a parent to be so completely helpless in a situation. Things will change over time. It will be easier for bot you and her.


(meme) #10

Anamary,keep doing all the right things like you are.Sounds like your mother has always been there for you,and she will be again. It may take her time..I will tell you some of the things I felt when my daughter got this-yes every parent is different ,but this is how it was for me....In the emergency room-I knew this was real and the words diabetic-being said all around us-I remember feeling shock,sadness, first...then guilt that I don't think will ever go away.It is a parents job to keep their child safe from harm..I had failed my child..In the larger hospital she was taken to--I would sometimes daydream to give my mind a mental break--The daydream would be that the Dr. would come in and say-Oh,there has been a mistake-she was just sick and that caused this-she's not a type 1-you can go  home now....Parents may not ever tell their children what they feel inside-I won't,why put that weight on her shoulders. The good news is that my daughter is strong minded ,independent,and has fun and lives her life to the fullest.I am thankful we have moved far away from those first days.I have big dreams for her and she has plans to make them happen !I believe those dreams for you too!


(Anamarys) #11

Thank You so Meme. Thank you for sharing your story with me and I believe my mother is going through the same thing. She has always been there for me so I will let her know how I feel and hope that we can go on this journey together as we have always done. God Bless you and your daughter!!!

Anamarys~T1 8/8/09


(sarahslp) #12

If you're ready, maybe you could write your Mom a note explaining how you feel, that you understand this is a shock to her, but you look forward to her letting you know when she is ready to learn about the disease, that you'd love her support, etc. Also, I'd email or call my little sister to thank her for her support! (:

Good luck -- hope thins turns around soon!


(Anamarys) #13

My sister is a year and a half younger than me and she lives with me. The day I got really sick she took me to the hospital. I felt bad because she was 9 months pregnant and ready to pop any minute but she hang in there for me. She had no problem helping me shop for healthier foods and has been a great support. She wants to learn more about Diabetes which makes me happy.


(figure skater girl) #14

it sounds like you have a great sister!


(BrianPQuinn) #15

Having our family there for us, is so great. Your sister sounds like an amazing person. Your mother will get over her own issues and will be there for you just as your sister is. That is the amazing strength of the family bond.