Need advice - Disappointed


(Bridget) #1

I just opened up my A1C test result online. It was a poor decision, since it’s the middle of the night and I was already upset about something unrelated, but I wanted to be prepared for my endo appointment later this week. The A1C is the highest it’s ever been.

I’ve had a bit of a rough semester at college and I knew that my A1C wouldn’t be ideal, but I’ve had a longtime goal of 7.0% and it’s 8.7%. Suddenly, I can’t stop crying. I am telling myself all of the logical things. I can change this. I can eat fewer carbs to boost my insulin sensitivity. I can stop prioritizing things like school and convenience over making the right decisions. I can communicate with my doctor more often.

It just feels like I’ve been trying so hard already, and it’s painful to think that I’m failing. I’ve always prioritized being responsible, doing well in school, and trying to become the kind of daughter that my wonderful parents deserve to have. Why is this, my health — my most important responsibility of all — the area in which I can’t seem to get it together? Sometimes I just want to look at myself in the mirror and scream, “What is wrong with you?” The list is growing longer lately.

I know that this all reflects poorly on me. I guess I just felt like I needed someone to talk to about it. I feel so guilty and disappointed.


(Sofia) #2

Why are you being so hard on your self?? Don’t be!! 8.7 is not ideal but is not the end of the world. Sometimes, we try so hard that we get exousted in the process and results are not as expected. Give yourself the credit that you deserve, you are in college, your 1Ac has always been good. Be kind to yourself. Trust me, you are doing well! This was just a bad trimester. You will get back on track you just need some rest.


(Cindy) #3

It sucks, doesn’t it!?? I just want to encourage you like Sofia did…don’t be so tough on yourself. This disease rarely makes sense. I have had T1Diabetes since 1964…and is has never been “easy” ~ Please remember, college is a tough time! _
Just go “one day at a time”. Do the best you can! Enjoy college and give yourself TONS of grace!!


(David) #4

You are fine…the fact that you are so aware of what your ideal a1c should be to you only means you will keep on trying . It’s never a exact destination it is always a journey… don’t beat your self up. Don’t let diabetes rule you … you can do anything you set your mind to. It’s really not that big a deal. We all know what we need to do . Is it easy? Duh!! No it’s not but we are 100% in charge… it is up to us. Keep on keeping on… don’t get discouraged …


(mikefarley) #5

I’m sorry you’re having an especially difficult time right now. Many of us are like you in feeling a drive to please others and do well, while neglecting ourselves. I urge you to look at your A1C as a simple reminder that you need to start over. You will need to start over many times during the good life that lies ahead of you. It might help if you can team up with another T1D you feel comfortable opening up to. Health and happiness to you in 2019!


(joe) #6

try this one thing, for the heck of it, to see what happens:

look in that same mirror, instead of getting angry, try to see a friend in trouble, tell that friend you got her back, tell that friend that it’s rough now but you will be right there for her, no matter what, because you love her. bonus points for doing it out loud. trust me this will feel very strange at first. Rinse and repeat every day, for a month. things will change. What do you have to lose?


(Dennis J. Dacey, pwD) #7

Hi Bridget @bfc9cz , first a Warm Welcome to TypeOneNation, a community just like you trying to figure out the optimal way to live with this unwanted condition, a group of people sharing experiences with T1D and offering support.

Bridget, you HAVE NOT failed, you are still with us and wanting to make yourself better and to be a shining light for your family and be “a success” in life. And don’t let an HbA1c - a really awesome tool - be your sole goal; rather use your A1c as a guidepost for adjustments. As Sofia @sofiaperazzo said, your A1c reading isn’t ideal but it did its job - it told you that it is time for you to take some corrective action.

In my humble opinion, after living with diabetes for over 60 years, you have already set the proper priorities and now you, with a little assistance, just need to work at “fitting” your diabetes to support those priorities. I see your priorities as being a wonderful daughter, an asset to society, a successful and knowledgable student and an overall asset to society - you, with your personality and awareness will fully achieve.

Now, if you want some additional support [in addition to what your medical team offers] and suggestions from people who are living with diabetes, just ask. Let us know you current insulin regimen, your “tools” such as pump, pen, CGM and a peek into your raged college-style eating habits. And above all, let us see you smile - you can get your smile back in place while you follow the suggestion offered by @Joe.


(Andy) #8

You’re not failing.

Sure, your A1C isn’t where you want it to be and it sounds to me like you’re dreading that visit to the Endocrinologist because of that. I have two kids in college so I speak from a different perspective here but there is practically nothing either of them could do that would keep me from beaming with pride when I look at the overall picture of the lives they are making for themselves. Don’t get me wrong, both my kids have their issues that still, to this day, have the ability to keep me up at night but that comes with the territory of being a father.
Now, back to the issue at hand. Your A1C. As I said earlier, I’ll give you a piece of dad advice that I tell my kids all the time. “Don’t borrow trouble”. That, and “Nothing good ever happens after midnite”
Yes, you learned your A1C wasn’t perfect. More importantly, I’d think you learned that the middle of the night isn’t the time to open mail. All it leads to is laying in bed wide awake and listening to all the little voices in your head. Suppose you opened that email and it said your A1C was 7.0%. You then would have been up half the night patting yourself of the back. That would have been great news well worth a pat on the back but in the end, you would still have been up half the night.
Get some sleep. You’re a college student with a full plate plus extra. Things always look better in the morning.


(Bridget) #9

Thank you all for your lovely responses. It is so nice to have this resource where I can reach out to people who understand how difficult this can be, even with all of the amazing technology that we have nowadays. I feel much better, if a little embarrassed about how dramatic I was! Thank you all again. Wishing you all a happy new year.

@sofiaperazzo @cindybrick @DavidDekle @mikefarley @joe @Dennis @AJZimmerman


(joe) #10

Bridget, pfffft aww heck no please don’t ever be embarrassed. if you keep it all inside you’ll explode. trauma is not something you can repress, it’ll make you sick.

PS and I did want to mention that your endo should be kind to you or risk being terminated. your endo works for you, You are the team Captain. an endo has no right to pull an attitude. They should thank you for visiting them and if they don’t… do not be afraid to fire them and replace them with a more helpful team member. cheers good luck.


(Cindy) #11

Never be embarrassed! We are all behind you!! And understand your frustration- it’s why we are on this forum. Now- work on believing in yourself and remembering that “this too shall pass”… you go girl!


(Mike) #12

Assisting in the management of my 5yo’s blood sugar for the last year, i can say that the results are rarely a measure of the quality of the work you put in. There are too many factors at play for us to be able to easily predict how our bodies will respond to various measurements of insulin and carbs. We’re all chasing a moving target and we can’t expect perfection. Rather than dwell on what you believe you haven’t done right, be proud of what you know you have done right. If you believe there is room for improvement then setting goals to do better is a good thing, but beating yourself up over it is unproductive.

You are doing great. Best of luck in the New Year.


(Michael, T1D for 28 years) #13

I know I’m brand new here and mostly just echoing what a lot of people have said already. You are actually doing pretty damn well to have an A1C of 8.7 while going to college. College is a constant ever evolving schedule and you don’t get to opportunity to get yourself into a rhythm. A consistent schedule is my saving grace in my now, eh hem, adulthood (I’m 41 now and have been type 1 since I was 13). When I was your age my A1Cs were in the 9s and I was doing well to get it into the 8s. Your body is likely still changing and your hormones fluctuating and God only knows the stress of college can wreak havoc on things. What I tell patients all the time (I’m an RN on a Kidney/Nephrology/Medical floor) is that you can only do the best you can do. Sometimes it’s inline with your goals and sometimes it not. As long as your know that you are doing your best to juggle everything as well as you can, you should really be OK with that. Just be honest with your endo and do not ever lie to your medical care team members. They need truthful info to be able to help you manage things appropriately. Keep on keeping on try to keep your stress down. Do the best you can do and that is all you need to do.


(needles19) #14

I’ve been using a CGM for the last 5 months and before that my A1C was7.8 and after the first 3 months I was 6.5.The dexcom G6 has helped tremendously and I can’t imagine not knowing all day what my blood sugars are