If this accidentally lands in the open forum section, please immediately remove it, and place it in the Adult group.
I am not quite as angry as I was a bit ago, but here goes. I have been in a relationship with a non type 1 for going on seven years. Seven long years. Please, no one who reads this, think that I am putting you in that position. The best I can do is speak in euphemisms. I went to the Adults group, but I am a little uneasy that this posting will land in open forums...
Let's just say that T1 interfered. I am female. I had put in a pump site earlier last night, and it was right next to a nerve and hurt like hell. When this happens (I know some people can relate), I have to keep it in because insurance only pays for so many a month...so it was hurting when...well, anyway. Later tonight it was hurting. Then my blood sugar began dropping so quickly that my feet began to cramp, also later.
Instead of simply accepting this, my SO decides that I am still in pain even after interruption and my saying that I am not and decides that we...should stop. I was still hurting from my site, but it didn't even register, but evidently it showed on my face.
I've been fighting hard to keep checking and treating, and I turned the pump alarms back on...and this month, it's been extremely difficult; as my levels have gotten better, I have felt this darkness creeping in. The better the levels get, the worse I feel in my heart, but the better I feel physically.
When that happened tonight, I let loose with "Well, chalk up another one to T1! Thanks a lot!" and burst into tears. My significant other listened to me cry and talk about how I had felt, and then he said, "You're just feeling sorry for yourself." He then continued by telling me that I should be grateful that I still have my legs, unlike his ex-wife, a T2, who has lost both of hers and had several strokes. Another note: His mother also passed away on July 4 from T2 and breast cancer. While he did not mention his late mother, she was there in his words, if that makes sense.
I looked at him, and told him that until he has lived inside of my skin, he had no right to judge what I said as self pity. I told him that I didn't feel self pity; I felt anger and frustration and sadness. His response was that those feelings are the same as self pity.
Then he said, "You've had this disease for 28 years. Get over it." And he reached over, pulled earplugs out, squashed them, put them in his ears, said, "I love you. I'm going to bed" lay down, rolled over, and went to sleep.
Does T1 interfere like this for other women? On another side, I know he's endured one of the worst losses imaginable. It's like he did a jump right into the anger stage of grief.
I'm very tired. I feel like a failure. I also feel like someone has just kicked me in the stomach, emotionally.
Has anyone felt like this? I don't want to feel this way. It's so...it just gets old, you know? I have had this disease for 28 years...28 years, and I feel like it has taken some new turn, like it is trying its best to invade every place where joy or love or happiness can be...and just wreck it. Right now, I can't seem to stop crying. I don't understand people who say that they are glad that they have T1. I like my pump for what it can do to make life...more efficient. For what it can do to make T1 management...different. But I don't love being T1. And sometimes, I hate it. This month, it's like the T1 found out that I hate it, and is retaliating.
I should be fine, I think. I should feel great and I just don't. After this tonight, I just needed somewhere to go and leave my heart. Evidently I can't trust non T1 people with anything related to T1. I shouldn't have trusted my SO with this. I took for granted that he understood, but he doesn't, and he is grieving. Four months ago, his mother passed away. I can't expect for him to just be able to listen like that.
So I am posting on here. I am also asking anyone in the adult forum for any insights he or she may have; I know that this is a long post, and I apologize for that. There's three major issues in this; if anyone has insight on any of the three or one of the three, please feel free to respond. I may be snarky on here about life, but I appreciate any responses that are forthcoming.
2. relationships w/people who think you should just be over it already
3. isolation and T1...how to cope with it when you are trying your damndest to take care of yourself