Some ya' win, some ya' lose and some are rained out ;)


(A-D) #1

So - I was having one of those days where I just didn't feel like I could take it anymore... and I had coffee a notebook and pen... as you are about to see - it's a bad combination...

 

the walls

worn thin

the castle

stands, still

an imposing

yet now

fragile sight

dwarfed by

the mountains

that cradle

its existence

worn by age

by battle

and storm

this testament

to life

this fixture

of power

now prepared

to fold

granting time

its final

inevitable victory

I wasn't planning on resorting to begging but - PLEASE someone else post something...  i'm afraid that if my writing is the only stuff out here - sooner or later the site will be charged with a human-rights-violation :P


(kneazle_lady) #2

So I am going to say first that I do not think there is any right or wrong way to write or express (or think or feel) in artistic voice a thing...art is supposed to, I think, make people think or reflect and/or feel something, create a sensibility...

So I want to ask: what is time's victory, dare I ask? I was struck by your use of still in the line break, indicating for me some sort of conflict with the idea of what remains after the storms and battles and what does not at the same time as another word meaning still is in that word as well. It was almost unsettling (in a good way, if that makes sense). You mentioned you were having a bad day when you wrote this...is the castle better now than it was before? Do the mountains and the wind assert themselves over the castle in an act of cruelty? The mountains cradle and dwarf at the same time. At what point does the castle collapse, and when it does, what happens?

This reminded me of a line from a poem I think by Keats..."Ozimandias" or something like it...there's the statue, broken and dissolving into the sands of the desert with the assertion stated on the statue, "Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair..." as if to imply that the works, now long gone, would have inspired humanity...and there in the desert, the despair is different, perhaps more real, in that his works are dust...

The poem itself looks like a castle. And you put it in a font that has always looked like it had something business-like about it (courrier?). The overpowering thing I get from your poem is exhaustion, which I can relate to entirely. I do not relate as much to the castle as a person, is what I am seeing, whether you or someone else, I do not know. The person is a testimony to power and life, and now is a testimony to something else? Or now no longer a testimony at all? Does not a human being stand as a testimony no matter what he or she does, if only to something, even inaction? The pace of the poem almost takes that mental breath away that exhales at the words in phrases and ends of lines, which I think (not that you asked, really) adds to the dimension of a castle battered by wind and time. It's a rhythm (sp?) that is harsh and in line with your content...and an old castle, to me, is far better...but then again, even though in nature that which bends does not break...what about things that were built to not bend?

I hope that I haven't offended you by posting a response to your work. I get typing about something and get carried away.


(A-D) #3

Crochet Nut

You have warmed my heart in taking the time to share your thoughts, feelings, your response and especially your time.  Thank you for that!

 

I will apologize for not answering all your questions but my goal is to answer what I can without disturbing the beauty that you see in my work.  That reflection is touching.

 

Time’s victory is a statement which touches on mortality but more deeply it was expressing thoughts and emotions which circled around the temporary nature of existence.  And yes, I was pondering these and many things at a time of emotional exhaustion and frustration.  The mountains and wind assert themselves in being, exactly what they are and doing what they are designed to do by their nature. 

 

You are, for me, a brilliant example of art being more when it is viewed.  Once again, I am deeply grateful for your time.

 

Cheers,

 

A-D

Ahhh - the collapse of the castle - hmmm... now there is a question... ;)