@mpfitzner, Hi Meg, I am not really sure what normal is but I am sure you can be one if you want.
I was older than you when I got diagnosed with diabetes, but I also went through a long time of depression and avoidance and denial, because the idea of having an incurable disease was too much for me.
A lot of things changed over the years, and now I don’t take care of myself because I am scared, or because I want to live forever… I just do the best I can do every day because it’s the right thing to do.
so I have had 2 laser treatments on my left eye, because over the years that one saw a little less blood circulation, and over the years that one grew a couple puffy “aneurysms”. the laser is uncomfortable, not painful. what they do is scar up the back of your eve to prevent new blood vessel growth, the thinking is that any new blood vessel growth is risky, because those new vessels can leak. The thing they are trying to prevent is bleeding at the back of your eye (at the retina and near the optic nerve).
that feeling of failing is just that. it’s a feeling. feelings aren’t fact. for me, negative self thoughts were hurting me. By feeling bad about myself, it justified my behaviors and gave me an “out” continue in those behaviors. I urge you to talk to someone about these feelings and consider your self-esteem. if you start by saying you take the best care of yourself that you can and you are doing your best today, in every possible way - the actions will follow.
life is a funny thing, you can be in the best of health and get hit by a cement truck. you can have serious health concerns and go on for a very long time. I can tell you that for me, my life is nothing like what I thought it was going to be when I was 20 something.
the fact that you are reaching out is a the very best sign of all. it means your head is changing from where you used to be, it means you recognize you are on a roller coaster. I am no genius, and so if I can change my thinking it means anybody can. good luck. please check in and tell us how you are doing.