The Two D's United-Diabetes, Divorce


(Dotimire) #1

My mom and dad are divorced. When I was first diagnosed with juvenile diabetes my dad of course came to learn about it with my mom and I. For a few years after I was diagnosed my dad would ask about how I was doing and what my number was when we would go out to eat or eat stuff but after a while he never asks about it or talks about it unless I bring it up. I don't mind that he never talks about my diabetes with me but now that I'm trying to get some more support to do better, I want him to get more involved for when I am at his house for the weekend or doing something with him so I dont feel like I can slack off because no one is checking up on me. So if you are a teen with divorced parents, or a divorced parent with a teen who has diabetes, can you give me some pointers on the best way to re-educate and discuss stuff with him so I know how to start talking to him about the situation? Thanks bunches!


(bassoonist1719) #2

Hey!  I have the exact same problem!  Once my dad even came to an appointment with me and I pleaded with him to remind me to bolus 15 minutes before meals and such but he still forgets.  In fact, my worst hypoglycemic episode ever was when I was on vacation with him and my family, and so diabetes was kind of forgotten. 

Anyway, I'm sorry that I can't really give great advice because I have the same issue.  But I would try to gradually get him more involved by having him come to your endocrinologist appointments, even without your mom or whoever normally goes with you so that he has to really pay attention.  (If he already does, maybe talk to your endocrinologist about how to get him more involved.)  Divorced parents can be really frustrating, especially since the one who you don't see as much isn't accustomed to dealing daily with diabetes.  I'm not sure what your dad's reasons are for ignoring diabetes but I think that if he doesn't see you as much it's easy to forget that something is wrong because most of us usually appear fine on the outside.  Overall, I would just try to talk to him alone and tell him what your goals are regarding diabetes and how you want to improve and occasionally remind him about it.  For me, the issue is that my dad thinks I can handle diabetes all on my own and he doesn't understand that every bit of support is important!  But parents want the best for their kids and letting them know how to help you reach a goal will hopefully open their eyes.  Again, sorry I have no good advice.  If I ever figure out diabetes and my dad, I'll let you know.  Good luck!


(system) #3

my parents are divorced, when i was diagnosed my dad took teh day off to come from the mainland to see me. i didn't see him for a year after that, and he never showed up to the class my mom signed him up for that he apparently agreed to take(meant he could eventually move from social worker supervised visits with me and my bro, to having us be able to come visit for the weekend). so i can't say my situtation is like yours. i started a relationship with my him two years ago(the day after my wisdom teeth were taken out! ugh!) after ignoring his existence for 13years. he knows about type 1, he asks questions when he gets confused and gives me the "hows the diabetes working out for ya?" when i go to visit his family or we are catching up via text or he comes to see me. if i wanted him to be more involve, i'd probably make him..but there's no real point. i have my mom and my brother for support, and that's more than enough for me personally.

if you really want to get him involved(though I donno why he should be involved other than to ask "did you do your insulin? did you test?" etc since you're a teen and need to learn independence for when you move out)..i think you should just talk to him. sit down with him the next time you are there for the weekend and explain that you want him to be more involved in your diabetes because it's not going to go away and it's important for him be there for you. don't force him, but give him the option. explain why you want him to be, and then ask him if he will or not. worse case scenario, he says he doesn't want to, in which case trying to force him would do no good.