Wedding Day/ Marriage Life


(audramckell) #1

My boyfriend and I recently started planning for our marriage... saving up money, finding better jobs, college, etc. A few weeks after that, I was diagnosed with this stupid disease, seemingly crippling our chances for marriage anytime soon.

We have no started reconsidering the idea, even though we would have no money once we got married. One thing we were wondering about is health insurance. I'm living at home right now and I'm covered under my parent's insurance. I have been told by people there is no way I can get covered once I'm married (unless my husband has insurance through his work or through cobra) and I've also been told that if my boyfriend gets his own health insurance before we're married, I can be put on as a dependent. Who is right?

Another big concern is the wedding day. How have people dealt with this before? I'm going to be getting my pump a few months before we get married. Would it be easier to not have it and just go on shots for the day? How has the stress of the wedding day messed with people's blood sugars?

Any advice about marriage life with diabetes or even just about the wedding planning and wedding day?


(Joshy84) #2

I think once your married you can not be on your parents health insurance. You can also be put on your boyfriends health insurance once you guys get married. So they are both right.


(sarahslp) #3

Hi. I'm not sure why having D would hold you back from marriage, esp. seeing as your boyfriends sounds like he has insurance you could get on. But, I saw that you are 19. Maybe you are feeling like you need more time to live your life and are overwhelmed w/ a new diagnosis, and are looking for reasons to wait... I hope I'm not offending you, but it wouldn't hurt to wait a bit if things don't "feel right" yet. I met my now husband when I was 18, but we waited until our mid-20's to get married, allowing both of us to get graduate degrees, mature a bit, etc. If he's right for you now, he'll still be there in a few years. Again, I don't want to imply you are immature!!! It sounds like you are carefully weighing your options. But, you just want to make sure everything feels right before making such a big step.

If you're on the pump, it should be easy to hide on your leg under a wedding dress! (: I was also worried about my BS's on my wedding day, and they were great for whatever reason...

For us diabetics, I would say having a degree that allows you to get a good job w/ health insurance in the future is important. So, I would say that's an important thing to think about rather than just insurance for the next couple of years.

I hope I haven't offended you. I think you'll make the right decision and the one that is right for YOU. But, as you get more comfortable w/ D, I bet that won't play as big a role in the decision. Anyways, I read a study years ago saying diabetics are less likely to get divorced. (: lol.


(audramckell) #4

The reason diabetes is holding us back is because we were told we couldn't get health insurance by ourselves and so we wouldn't have enough money to buy all my diabetes suppplies.

We are ready to get married and are willing to make sacrifices to make our marriage work, but diabetes care isn't something you can sacrifice. Yes, everything was right and in place before my diagnosis. We were gonna be a super poor married couple, but we had everything worked out.

My boyfriend has the been the most supportive, patient, amazing person through my diagnosis. It's not the actualy diabetes that is factor, it's the money it takes to care for it.

I hope I get a pump before my wedding. It sounds like it would help a lot.

We are both going to college and hopefully we'll both end up with good paying jobs. I want him to get a good job with health insurance. That would make life easier.

You haven't offended me at all. Marriage is a big thing and it is important to make sure you're completely ready for it. A lot of my friends just want me to go for it, but they don't understand everything behind it, ya know? So it's nice to have someone else telling me to stop and think everything through.

My boyfriend doesn't have health insurance right now, but once he gets it I can be put on it is what you're saying, right?


(Eric_Carpenter) #5

These are really good questions to be asking...in addition to juvenation you may want to start calling insurance companies.  Start getting ideas about what your premiums and coverage will be if neither of you get work coverage.  I was able to continue my family coverage under COBRA with marriage as a qualifying event...but make sure you can afford the payments.  Given the state of many job markets right now, you might consider graduate school, the insurance plans are usually pretty good.


(sarahslp) #6

With my husband's insurance, he is able to add a new family member (e.g. when our son was born or say we had gotten married while he was already on it) as long as he lets them know within 30 days of the event. I'd assume it would be the same for most companies. Because we were already married when he took his current job, he could add me on when he signed up initially, or during the "open enrollment period" which is usually once a year, where the company lets you make changes to your insurance and benefits.

In grad school, I was on the school's insurance. It was affordable and I was allowed to see an endocrinologist. BUT, the prescription coverage was limited, so that was something I weighed in choosing my coverage. I made a similar decision to you -- I was okay being poor in the short run in order to further my education, but I spent as much as I needed to on my medication.

Also, if your income is low, you can sometimes get reduced price prescriptions through pharmaceutical companies -- something to ask your endo about if it comes to that.

Hope this helps and good luck!

P.S. I'm not on a pump, so I used injections on my wedding day. I'd recommend keeping with whatever is currently working for you so there aren't any "surprises." I just tried to run slightly high, between 140 and 180 before the ceremony so I wouldn't go low, and I was fine. Shockingly, I was also okay during my whole THREE day labor with my son. The old D giving me a break, I guess. (:


(ashleydodd07) #7

I was 19 when I got married and I was still on my parents insurance. Luckily, I got a job with insurance 3 weeks before I got married. I had to go 30 days w/o insurance, but it was worth it bc my hubby is self employed and has no insurance. SO, keep your head up. If you really want to get married, you will find a way to make it work with your diabetes. I am not saying it's not hard, bc trust me it is, but you can make it work.


(paulg765) #8

From what I understand you can only be put on your boyriend's insurance before you're married if the policy he has through his job offers coverage to domestic partnerships and your particular relationship meets the criteria outlined in the policy for a domestic partnership.  Many, if not most, insurance policies through employment DO NOT offer coverage to domestic partners and even if they do, or in the case of a married couple, it is rare fore a company to pick up the extra cost of family over individual membership.

Although I got married at the age of 22 while in graduate schoo and even had our first child a year later, my feeling today is that it is usually better NOT to stress a new relationship with these kinds of problems if it's not necessary.  I can tell that both you and your boyfriend have reservations now, especially in light of your recent diagnosis,  so it would probably be better for the ultimate survival of your marriage to wait a little while.  You don't actually say in your original message, so might I ask WHEN were you originally thinking you'd like to get married?  With diabetes now in the picture, I do think it's better not to wait too, too long, particularly if your planning to have children.  You could certainly wait until both of you finish undergraduate school and hopefully have some job offers.

It's also likely that all the rules regarding health care and insurance in the US will get shaken up over the next few years, hopefully for the better in terms of affordability, universal coverage and coverage for pre-existing conditions.  Hopefully, in a few years when you choose to get married, you will have more affordable options regarding health insurance.  Hey, for that matter, hopefully in a few years when you choose to get married, there will be a cure for Type 1!!


(Gina) #9

Audra,

If your boyfriend has insurance coverage and you leave with him and can prove it you will be able to get insurance under the domestic partnership policy. But, you will have to prove that you both live together. You need proof such as something with both of your names on lease or a credit card, a joint checking or savings account etc..I was laid off right before I got married and was thinking of doing that myself but, I didn't have proof that we lived together so I couldn't get it.

As far as you waiting till you are both ready in my opinion that would be a good idea only because neither of you have jobs yet, and you said you guys don't have enough money saved either. Plus, you are both heading to college as well. Now you have diabetes and it probably has turned your life upside down.

People are telling you that you won't be able to get covered for health insurance which may be true because it is harder to get insurance when you have a pre-existiing condition but, maybe you can  get lucky. But, with no job to pay your premium that will be a whole other issue.

For me right after I got married I went onto my husbands insurance with no questions asked. I am not sure how it works everywhere else though. It can all depend on your husbands plan and the company. Also, if your boyfriend gets a job, he may not get covered up to 3-6 months after his hire. A lot of companies have waiting periods.

When I was laid off from a job before my wedding, my dad got me covered under his insurance as a class 3 dependent which meant as long as I was living under his house and he was supporting me I would be covered 100%.

My Advice? Live with your parents until your boyfriend gets a job with good insurance, and then re-assess the situation again.

As far as a pump and your wedding day. I got married last year and had a pump pocket made in my gown and it never got in the way. You will just have to make sure you check your blood sugar throughout the day to keep it in check just like you would any other day. It wasn't that stressful. Well at least for me it wasn't. The only time I ran high was after I had forgotten to bolus after I ate, but, I  caught it at the next sugar check and corrected it. I t hink it is easier that I was on the pump and not on shots. Noone even knew I took my pump out of my hidden pocket! It was great! I even had a special white meter case made to match my gown. So it looked like a mini wristlet, and inside i had glucose tablets, my meter and my lipgloss!

Its only as stressful as you let it become. If you are calm the whole day runs really smoothly. You'll see!

 

 


(audramckell) #10

Well here's the deal. My boyfriend and I are LDS, so we don't believe in moving in with each other until we're married or anything like that. And since we know we're getting married, he moved to another state so that we wouldn't end up doing anything stupid before we got married. Now, he's stuck there until we get married... meaning I can't see him until then.

He is just barely starting school and I'm in my second year. My school doesn't offer any health insurance once I start graduate school and he won't be there for a while. I don't think I can wait that long...

And we can't afford cobra for any long amount Would it be a stupid mistake to get married without health insurance until we can get some?


(Gina) #11

Audra,

I don't know if this is right so don't quote me on this but, I think the only way to get cobra insurance is if you were already working and got laid off or let go and would be able to extend it through cobra to keep the same insurance you had already.

If you already have insurance with your parents yea, I think it wouldn't be a good move to get married  until the two of you are both settled into jobs with insurance coverage.

Without jobs and money where are you going to live?


(Eric_Carpenter) #12

Just weighing the arguments here...it looks like "I want to get married" vs. "no guarantee of any insurance/not affording insurance/no guarantee of enough income".  Unfortunately to me, it looks like you have too many unanswered questions or blatant strikes against getting married right now.  Marriage is stressful enough without adding money and health stresses (not that it is all bad stress :) ).  In my first year of marriage I ended up in the hospital twice for DKA due to a similar situation (no steady income, not filling prescriptions).  I'm not saying you don't love each other, perhaps the more loving thing to do would be to wait.


(audramckell) #13

I have been told by many health insurance providers that I can continue my parent's health insurance through cobra using my marriage as the event or whatever it's called.

But I found out the other day that my work does have health insurance... well suplemental health insurance that I need to look into. My boss is trying to tell me that I don't qualify because they exclude pre-existing conditions, but a guy at the diabetes clinic told me diabetes isn't a pre-existing condition unless you've been without health insurance for 6 months.

If my health insurance works out, then Clint just needs a job and we're set. Otherwise, I'm just gonna save up all my money and get married without health insurance. That's my plan.


(paulg765) #14

As soon as President Obama signs the Health Reform Bill, which could be as early as this November, it will be illegal for insurance companies to refuse coverage based on any pre-existing conditions.  That's with or without the inclusion of a public option.


(Gina) #15

Audra,

As long as you don't have a gap in your insurance you can get insurance coverage. What they told you is correct. You do have to get paperwork to prove it and send it to cobra though.


(larawithhrt) #16

Audra,

I hate to see you go without insurance because a sick event could financial crush you guys or you may compromise your health by not testing as much or going to the doctor as often as you need to.

Starbucks offers great, affordable health insurance for their part time employees- I would get a job there if you just work part time while going to school or find some other job that has good benefits.  Banks often have excellent benefits as well and hire part time college students.

Just an idea.


(Jewels Doskicz) #17

Unfortunately insurance is a ber for people who have pre-existing conditions like us.  Onceyou are married you can be added to your husbands insurance policy through his employer as a spouse.  You are a spouse not a dependant.  Your children will be dependants.  You will not be able to join his policy if it isn't through an employer due to your pre-existing condition.  You can get covrage through a job with a griup policy when you re working as well.  If you have had coverage through that for some time and the job ends for a number of reasons COBRA may be an expensive option but it isn'tt an option right now.  You can also get insurance through a portability plan when your COBRA runs out but it is really unafforadable.  Best thing to do is get a full time job with benefits.

I got married with my pump attached to my leg and it worked out great.  I was a little high after becuse of all the excitement.  I think by goingon shots it just makesthings more complicated.  I prefer to stay on the pump all the time.  You can disconnectt for the ceremony and then reattach after if you want.

Best of luck!


(Robbieduck) #18

Audra, I hope this helps.   I did DM in my twenties w/o insurance and a low-paying job and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Cobra is a federal law that guarantees that an individual and dependents can continue on with an insurance plan once that individual leaves the job that was the provider of that insurance plan .  It guarantees that the plan is available to that ex-employee for like 6 months after leaving the job.  The only catch is that the ex-employee has to pay 100% of the premiums, whereas before the employer was probably covering 80-90%. 

Most employer plans have options whereby dependents can be covered. (I have never heard of it where it was employee coverage only.)  If your fiancee is covered through an employee plan, you probably can be too.  Even as his fiancee (you may have to be living together though.  I am not sure.)

If you walk into any insurance agency, and say, "I am a type-1 diabetic and I want to be covered.", after they wipe the tears from their laughing eyes they may offer you a plan with premiums that are ridiculously high.  The one time I tried this way , in 2001, I had to pay $750 a month.  Insurance cos. are out for profit.  More than likely they would make you pay that much for 6 months without their paying for a dime; your so-called 6 month precondition waiting period.  What they are trying to do is build up a big nest egg before you start tapping it with your supplies.  Many insurance cos. don't even want to bother.

If it is just insurance that you are concerned about, then my advice is:  Stick with Mom and Dad as long as you can.  Have their insurance pay for the $6000 pump.  Have their insurance cover cost of pump supplies.  Have their insurance cover you as long as possible while you sort out your future. 

My advice about the wedding day is to enjoy it.  Poke your finger a few times and respond appropriately.  Don't worry so much about tight control. 

Life as a Diabetic who is married?  Well, you'll have to do a little of that on your own.  Your fiancee is taking on a lot more than you probably realize.  Sure, you can say to him always, "Well, I have to live with this disease!" in anger or frustration, but trust me.  He does too.  Your struggles and pains are his as well, and in many cases, they are amplified.  I don't remember when the firemen had to hold me down to insert the IV, or that I stopped breathing, or that I seized, or that my son went an hid behind the couch and rocked back and forth scared out his mind that I was dying/dead.  It takes just one time of his feeling this, holding your hand in the hospital, for him to get a scar like that.  Love him, and be patient with his frustrations.  they are real.

 


(paulg765) #19

Under this plan, it will be against the law for insurance companies to deny you coverage because of a pre-existing condition. As soon as I sign this bill, it will be against the law for insurance companies to drop your coverage when you get sick or water it down when you need it most. They will no longer be able to place some arbitrary cap on the amount of coverage you can receive in a given year or a lifetime. We will place a limit on how much you can be charged for out-of-pocket expenses, because in the United States of America, no one should go broke because they get sick. And insurance companies will be required to cover, with no extra charge, routine checkups and preventive care, like mammograms and colonoscopies – because there’s no reason we shouldn’t be catching diseases like breast cancer and colon cancer before they get worse. -- Barack Obama


Read more: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0909/26953_Page2.html#ixzz0QultmfRs

(kphm23) #20

Audra,

 About the actual wedding day, while I have not gotten married myself (not yet at least my now finance just asked me to marry him this past weekend!), I was recently in my younger sisters wedding and I was unsure of what to do with my pump. There are options. You can go on the shots if you feel confident enough to keep up with your blood sugars all day, but do remember it may be a stressful day and you may "forget" about shots whereas at least you'll have the pump on you. Another option is to have a pocket sewn into your wedding dress so you can just place the pump inside. For my sisters wedding, I actually just put my insulin pump in the top of my bridesmaid dress. I had enough room that I could just stick it in and no one was able to tell any difference! Good luck!