When did I stop caring?


(gj562) #1

This is a post with no direction what so ever. I am just feeling so lost right now. I go thru the roller coaster ups and downs of taking care of my sugar levels to not caring and just checking when it’s convenient.

Well I have been stuck in the not caring mode for awhile now. I am 29 yrs old and was diagnosed at 21 yrs old. I don’t know what the hell i expected life with T1 to be like after all these years but it was not this.

My blood sugar will not even give me a reading the week. Prick after prick, no matter how many shots I take, my stupid meter just keeps saying “hi” to me. Well hello to you to but show me something in a reasonable range! Hi is obviously referring to high blood sugar beyond the capabilities of my meter (which is 500). I’ve been eating healthy, checking and injecting often and getting more and more frustrated.

So, now I am stuck with no tester because this last time the meter said “hi” and replayed with a “bye” and shattered it against the wall in frustration. Good move Greg, that will show em. Dumbass


(joe) #2

@gj562 hi Greg

I have no words to magically make you feel great, all I can say is I have thrown my meter, I have felt the frustration, and I have been depressed for very long periods of time with this relentless disease.

even with your 8 years experience, it’s never a bad idea to start from scratch. It may feel weird, but I went back to a certified diabetes educator (CDE) many years after I was diagnosed. The 2nd time I saw one I knew a lot more about what I could stand and what I could not stand. I told her that I would not bend my life around diabetes anymore I told her that diabetes had to bend around me. It’s a dumb technicality, but it made a world of difference in my head.

seeing an endo/CDE may also be necessary because T1 ain’t just a broken pancreas problem. we also have awesome complications and sidecar challenges that include thyroid and adrenaline kidney and many other potential things that can make blood sugar control impossible. it may not be a minor “basal” adjustment, you may have other things going on.

I completely get the anger, but take a step back - are you angry at diabetes or are you angry with yourself? For me in a sense, I was angry at myself and wanted to “fail” (replace that with die) so I wouldn’t have to deal with this pain anymore. Figuring out that the whole thing isn’t actually my fault, and that I was only at war with (and hurting) myself helped.

burnout can suck, but things do change with time.


(Bill) #3

Hi, Greg @gj562,

First things first - it’s time to go see your physician. Your high blood glucose readings are due to a reason. They can either be because your blood glucose level is running high, or your meter is faulty. Your physician can help you figure out what’s happening. Go see your physician. “Just do it!”

Now, about your frustration. This may sound odd, but frustration can be a good thing. “What?!” Yes, a good thing. Here’s what I mean.

In Joe’s post, above, he describes how he used his frustration as a motivator to “take control” of his life with diabetes. He used his frustration as the “energy” to seek out a diabetes educator who could help him develop a diabetes management routine that fit “his life” and the way he wanted to live. That frustration, that “I never want to be in ‘that place’ again,” appears to be what continues to motivate him to continue to manage his diabetes. (@joe, I don’t mean to be “talking for you,” but the example you offered, above, is such a great one of how to use frustration to “turn things around.”)

The point is, frustration, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. It all depends on what you do with that frustration. You can either use it as a motivator, or you can turn it in on yourself. When you turn it in on yourself it becomes extremely destructive. Sound familiar?

Please choose to use your frustration as a motivator. Call and get an appointment with your physician as soon as you can. Find out what is causing the high blood glucose readings. Then, work with a skilled diabetes educator to develop a plan that will allow you to manage this rascal of a disorder, all the while living your life your way.

It will be necessary to make some compromises in how you live your life. But, which is worse - a little compromise, or feeling like you do now? Call your physician and get the ball rolling. “Just do it!”

Let us know how you’re doing.

Bill


(Lorena) #4

Hi Greg,

I am also going through a difficult phase with my diabetes. I was diagnosed at 21 too and am 27 now. I feel like I let myself get off track with checking my sugar and eating/exercising habits and it has been so difficult getting back into the groove of things. I wish it didn’t take so long, but I think if you talk to someone about the problems you’re having you might get a solution. I hate asking for help, but I think talking to someone about nutrition and starting over will hopefully get me to where I want to be.

I hope things work out for you.


(Dennis J. Dacey, PwD) #5

“Hi” Greg @gj562, I sense that your frustration level is really, really high and that may be toe most positive thing I see in your post - I sense that your frustration might be your motivation - YES, I think you are getting close to turning this around. I’ve been in your situation a few times in my 60+ year quest to live peacefully with diabetes and now I may be getting close.

Keep in mind that “good” diabetes management is the ability to [magically?] balance food, activity and insulin to keep your glucose levels in moderately safe parameters - it isn’t easy. Also, keep in mind that everything is fluid and the dosage of insulin that “balanced” you 8 years ago is quite obviously inadequate for your current needs. This is where @BillHavins’s order to “go see your physician”, along with his other recommendations sounds right-on to me. From there, if at all possible, have your doctor prescribe or recommend the CDE recommended by @Joe. The doctor and CDE should work together to get you on the right track and help keep you there.

But in the end, everything is up to you.


(anita) #6

sorry you are so stuck. type one is not an easy task. i have been a type one for 56 years, so i know what you are talking about. i am on the pump and CGM. The CGM is terrific. have you thought at all about it. It really helps. No blood testing except for calibrating. check into it. insurance usually pays. i hope you change. I have a brother who is 11 yrs younger than i am, and he says all the time to me he did not want to listen to me and did not take care of himself, well he has been on dialysis for 10 years now and minus one foot. please try to take care of yourself, it is not easy, but we have to do it.

anita


(wadawabbit) #7

Hi @gj562. I’m so sorry about your frustrations. I’ve discovered two things when I am running high:

  1. No amount of insulin will start to bring it down if I don’t wash the ketones out of my system with lots and lots of water or other sugar free fluids.
  2. If I am drinking sugar free fluids, and neither my insulin pump not injections work, I find I need to head to my PCP or even my dentist to get checked for an infection. It may not be something external and visible such as a cut, but a UTI, a tooth in need of a root canal or something else internal. Although things like that usually have other symptoms, sometimes the only indication something is wrong - at least in my case - is the elevated blood sugar levels.

(Mary) #8

How about the insulin. In summer, If the insulin gets warm, its efficiency is cut back. Do you rotate your sites, very important for good absorbtion of insulin. Are you taking any steroids-they will increase the blood sugar dramatically.
Going to your endocrinologist is the next logical step. The longer your blood sugars are high, the more damage done to your body. You want to be as healthy as possible, for as long as possible. Don’t let your diabetes control your life. Anything is possible, with good blood sugar control. But it all starts with you. Good luck!!!