Wondering if it's worth it anymore


(Rayanne) #1

Been a diabetic for 6 years now, and it just seems to be getting worse. The past month, ive been in the hospital with a bs of 1100. I shouldn’t have made it out but i did. A few days ago i got into a car crash with my friends in the car. No one was harmed but we shouldnt have walked away from that crash but we did. They dont talk to me anymore. Sometimes i feel like everyone’s right tho. I should’ve died. If i had, people would be better off. I wouldn’t have gotten into that crash, and my parents wouldn’t be arguing so much. A lot of things would be for the better if i had just died. I keep trying to think of a reason that god, or whoever the higher power is, brought me back but i cant think of anything. All im doing is causing destruction. People say im lucky to have been given another change but why was i given it? I keep screwing up more things, I just wish he wouldve taken me the first time instead of giving me another chance.


(Tyler) #2

Brother you’re not alone in these hard times.
Stay strong. Stay positive.

It may be hard to do in the hard times but I feel that if you can continue to at least put hard strong effort into being positive, things will get better.


(Wendy) #3

Hey there, sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. Please know no matter what’s going on it’s worth it. I’m glad you made it through all of that. Keep your head up, better days will come. There are plenty of people on here to support you. Take care.


(Sal) #4

That higher power (God) kept you alive for a reason. In fact, he brought you into this world for a reason. For a purpose. The day you were born was the day God decided that the world can’t exist without you.

You are in this world because you, and only you, can fulfil that purpose. Nobody else can fulfil that purpose. Not your family, not your friends, not your teachers, not the president and not any of the six billion humans on planet Earth.

It can be hard to see how you alone can make a difference and how you alone have a purpose that nobody else has but to God you are everything. God needs you here, he decided that you belong here and nowhere else. He would never give you a challenge that you are not strong enough to overcome. Now go out and make him proud. Use your energy for positive things. Do acts of kindness. Become a source of energy for those around you.


(joe) #5

@RayyrrayT1D hi Rayanne,the biggest mystery of all time is why we are here and what we are supposed to do. The only actual difference if you weren’t here is that you wouldn’t be here. it’s really very common to be burnt out or depressed after 5-6 years. I get it. I was there. The only thing I know for sure is that if you tough it out, if you stay - no matter how scared or how you think things look right now you will find that the actual way your life will turn out, was completely different than what you are thinking right now.

if you think you might hurt yourself please tell your parents and please seek help. Everyone here with T1 knows that feeling you are in battle with right now.


(SuperSam101) #6

You kidding. I have an entire grade not talking to me. Am completely alone. If God wanted us dead we’d just die. Obviously we have some other purpose. Besides dying is for the weak.


(wadawabbit) #7

Hi @RayyrrayT1D . I’m so sorry to hear about the hard time you are going through, but I want to encourage you to hang in there and stick it out. Diabetes isn’t easy but it can be managed - not perfectly, but you can live a fulfilling and healthy life. Please talk with a counselor about the depression you are feeling. And if you’re not seeing an endocrinologist who specializes in diabetes (not all do), please find one - and if you are seeing one who is not helping you get a handle on things, find somebody else. Even though you’ve been diabetic for 6 years, it might be good to take a refresher on diabetes training - I’ve been on insulin for 55 years now (no, that is not a typo), and when I switched to a new doctor one of the first things she did was send me for training! I thought she was crazy, but sometimes you deal with something so much that you forget some of the “fine points” and have to be reminded - I know I did. I would suggest you look into getting a Continuous Glucose Monitor if that is an option for you. I started using one several years ago and it’s given me a lot of reassurance. Also, although the friends in the accident with you are angry now, hopefully they will come around - they may have gotten angry if someone had a serious accident while speeding, talking on their phone, etc. - it’s a natural reaction. I would urge and encourage you to recruit your friends (if not these, then others) to help you manage your care. Sometimes other people may observe things before we do that may indicate a change in blood sugar; and although they may go overboard if they see you about to eat something you’re “not supposed to have” it can help to support accountability - and you do have the right to say “I’m drinking this glass of juice because I’m a little low.”
You may not have found your purpose in life yet, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have one. There are diabetic parents, actors, athletes, American Ninja Warriors😀, race car drivers; people who love to travel, cook, build, make works of art - the list goes on and on. So please, please, please, find the help you need to get things stable (doctor, nutritionist, diabetes nurse educator); seek out professional assistance if you are feeling depressed; look for a support group in your area, at your school or online; and ask yourself what you really enjoy doing, and ask others what they can picture you doing, to help you find something to look forward to in life.
Learn from the accident, but don’t let it define you - you are much more than that moment.


(wadawabbit) #8

Apologies for a couple of typos I caught after posting my reply - I missed them and can’t find where to go to edit :exploding_head:.


(joe) #9

@wadawabbit. t’s easier to edit on a pc than a phone. I asked T1N to look at why some icons such as like and edit do not appear on my phone. Anyway the edit icon is a pencil and it should appear directly under whatever you wrote.


(wadawabbit) #10

Thanks @joe! Next time I’m on my computer I’ll try to remember to make the edit. Much appreciated - have a beautiful evening.


(Marina) #11

The HIGHER POWERS hear you and CARE ( don’t want to say God, because of connotations that we don;t always agree on!) . You must learn to LISTEN to guidance, because it is there — in small things, in everyday things. You will be guided to do what is best for you. TALK to the higher power daily, ask for HEALTH, STRENGTH, PROTECTION and GUIDANCE, And be sure to GIVE THANKS. But you must ask — think of the power as electricity. If you don;t plug in a lamp, it will not give light, if you don;t turn on the toaster — no toast! You have got to connect, to ask and then LISTEN. I promise you it will work, your life, your health will turn around, I have had diabetes for 11 years now, and was unable to control it until I did what I am advising you — then everything gradually fell in place .


(Tina) #12

I am the parent of a 14 year old t1d. His a1c has been very high the last two check ups. It makes me feel like a bad parent. Every day is a new day and an opportunity to learn from mistakes and above all forgive ourselves. The fact that you show remorse and concern tells us that you are a good person. Good people do terrible embarrassing things sometimes. We all have. Adults and kids. Humans have a tendency to think that other people have better lives but they don’t. People we see on Facebook who are smiling and traveling and hanging with other people, also have struggles that we may never know about. While you are struggling right now, it’s hard to know that you will have better days but you will. I’m too embarrassed to tell you about the things I’ve done in the past. I’ve learned that I need to forgive myself as well as forgive others’ who I thought have “wronged” me in the past. It’s an easier way to live, as long as you learn something from each mistake. Sometimes it takes a while to actually make the changes you need to make, but reaching out and asking for help is a very good start. Please keep us updated. We all want you to find a point of contentment.


(Amanda) #13

Sometimes it’s hard to see through all the darkness, but I can tell you that you will make it through this. You are a warrior. You have clearly been through a lot and fought your way out. There’s a reason for that. You will get beyond this, even when the pain feels too deep. You are more than a diagnosis and more than a depression. I know it sounds cliche, but talking to someone helps. Remember how strong and powerful you really are.


(wadawabbit) #14

Thanks again @joe - I just made my changes.


(Fila56) #15

You are here because you are meant to be here. There is a purpose for your being and you will do great things. Diabetes will not stand in your way; in time, you will see how it will EMPOWER you. It is too early for you to yet see this now but hang on. There are people who love you and will always support you, no matter what, when and how. Bank on that. You are wonderful and that is why you are here and meant to move on to greater things. Be patient and be good to yourself.


(Edward) #16

Your life is definitely worth it and Im sure your family loves u. As for your friends who are not talking to u were probably not your real friends to begin with. Because when u are at your worst of times thats when u know who your friends really are. Take care of your self first and the rest will catch up with u. Take care and stay safe.


(Julie) #17

I always say, If you can’t find your purpose, create a purpose. When I start to feel low I start to volunteer more and take care of others. This gives my own life new meaning and I start to remember that I can do a lot of good for others. And it brings you a new perspective on your own life.


(Julie) #18

Also, please reach out to someone if you are at a really low point. Someone you trust like family or a friend. Or you can even call the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255, they are really nice to talk to if you are ever at the point. Don’t give up though.


(Angela) #19

Love I will tell you as a mother going through this with my teen son this made me break down in tears. Please know no matter what your life is valuable and the right people truly do care what happens to you. You are on this earth for a reason always remember that. I wish I could tell you just like I could my own and make you believe that but it is so very true. Never give up fighting no matter the struggle it helps mold you into greatness!


(carolynwoodham) #20

Rayanne,

You are valuable, highly favored and deeply loved by this community and by your creator God. He gave His son as the sacrifice for you, that’s how much He loves you. Life is complicated, and we don’t always know why things happen. I still ask myself why my daughter has Diabetes but I don’t have an answer. What I do know is that with each trial I face, I then meet someone else who needs encouragement and I’m the only one who can meet that specific need due to my trials. You have the same opportunity. Don’t give up. I had to stop asking why and start offering love to others. At first it seems ridiculous, when I feel like I’m the one who needs the love, but it works kinda ass backwards, not sure why, but it does work, and then meaning starts to creep in, and then fulfillment becomes more prominent and the world looks brighter. You already have God’s love, now receive it, let it sink in. It has taken me time to receive, but each day, express He loves you to yourself, that is a sound truth. You can stop trying to be, and just let Him wash over you. Listen to some worship instrumental music and let the Lord’s love wash over you. I should have dies several times. Maybe I’m, still alive to say this to you. Let’s keep passing it on.

google “The Breaking Soaking Music for prayer and worship”, it is so refreshing and soothing, try it!