Thought I’d add my 5 cents to the awesome support you’ve already received. I’ve been T1D for 45 years, and when I was diagnosed at age 12 I thought my life was over. My parents didn’t handle it well, and I didn’t always deal in a healthy way with being diabetic, but after a few years of depression and having the same thoughts as you’re having now, I developed a “warrior” attitude, and haven’t let this disease get me down. I’ve never let it stop me from doing what I wanted to do in life, and my Higher Power has been there for me every step of the way.
When you say, “All I’m doing is causing destruction,” that is a “black and white” statement that means you are not doing ANYTHING right, and it is completely false. One piece of advice: do whatever you need to do to get that 1100 bs down. If your current doctor is not helping you, change doctors. There are many people on this forum who have had T1D for multiple decades with very few or no side effects, and we want to pull you onboard. You CAN do this, and these problems WILL PASS. When you say:
“Sometimes i feel like everyone’s right tho. I should’ve died. If i had, people would be better off…”
that sounds like depression, which my first endocrinologist told me is VERY common in people with T1D., and I’ve been through that too. Long story short, these problems you’re going through are TEMPORARY, and there are solutions for all of them. Hang in there, take it one day at at time, and please let us know how you’re doing.